Amanda J - Redux

     Some of you may have read my story of a past love, Amanda J.  A strange sequence of events unfolded over the past few days. Last week I had a dream of her. It was an innocent dream, just her and I walking together, hand in hand. What was strange is that I have not dreamt of her in years, probably a decade.  It was a nice dream, but I thought nothing of it.

                Over the weekend, I logged into one of my rarely used email accounts to clean it out. I had joined some time ago, and in there I saw that someone named “Amanda J” had visited my profile at the end of February.  This may or may not be her, I honestly don’t know.

                I am mulling over contacting this woman. As said it may or may not be her. Also my motives, well they are not entirely altruistic. To complicate my decision, my domestic situation, has improved. Not a lot, but it is noticeable. I am not holding my breath that my marriage will suddenly become all fulfilling. It’s still quite loveless, but it is tolerable. Tolerance has leant me some hope that our relationship can be salvaged. But the love Amanda and I shared all those years ago, is the stuff that dreams are made of. Really it was a Fairy Tale.  What I wouldn’t give to feel that way again? To be completely head over heels in love, and have someone love you equally as much. What are the odds of a repeat performance?   I am just rambling. I guess I will wait and see what happens.

Smokeseek Smokeseek
36-40, M
3 Responses Mar 16, 2009

I agree with UPM--focus on what you have right now. Glad to hear things are getting steps :)

Thanks UPM ---- I think perhaps I should take your advice.

To feel love is our God given right. You deserve to love and to be loved. <br />
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I think Smoke, love is @ home, give it 100% and I have a feeling you two will find a spark, and maybe it can be as great of a feeling as you once experienced ;)<br />
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I'll be cheering for you and wifey !!!<br />
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2009 Is the year of "mending relationships and new beginnings"