Can't Seem To Get Over Him

I met him 16 years ago.  His best friend was supposed to be set up with me & he was supposed to be set up with mine.  As fate would have it, we were instantly attracted to eachother. The more we talked, the more smitten with him.  I had felt love for someone before, but not like this.  I had fallen in love.  He was always so loving & considerate to me.  To this day, no one has ever made me feel so special.

The only thing is that he had an ex in another state that wanted him also.  He bounced between us for quite some time.  Me & his ex were like night & day.  He always told me how good I treated him & how inconsiderate she was too him (cheating, dishonest)  He's found me again several times.  Each time he found me, I'd tell him I just want to be friends, but we both knew better. 

He would call me out of the blue trying to find me.  When I heard his voice, I knew exactly who he was (as with anytime, the sound of his voice always triggered the butterflies).  We had gotten back together several times up to about 2004.  Different situations in our lives, I would still take him back.  I love him so much that I put it behind us that each time (even though i was terrified that he would just go back to her again).  I had even taken him back when the other girl was pregnant for him.  I was more than willing to be there for him & support him to really be there for his child.  He ended up marrying her.

After I heard they got married, i was REALLY hurt but considered that he was trying to do the right thing for his child.  I truly never thought I would see him again.  I spoke to his grandmother (who lived in my town) due to a contact list w/ my job.  She told him she spoke to me & he found me there 2 weeks later.  Here I was again swearing I couldn't go through this again.  He asked me to dinner & I said yes, just as friends catching up.  He was now divorced & absolutely crazy about his wonderful daughter.  I had a 4 year old son but never married.  We talked about how crazy we are about our kids & were laughing & loving enjoying time together.  I found myself wanting to be with him again & we were back together by the end of the night.  My son was crazy about him (which was rare, he's protective of his mommy lol). We had a great long distance relationship.  I think it drove his ex wife nuts that he was happy or that he was with me.  She intervened again.  I swore this time I was done.

Not true lol.  I think of him often.  Here lately I dream of him quite often.  I've never really had closure.  That last time, he didn't explain why he went back to her.  i thought it was finally over.  They married then divorced, I really thought it was really over between then.  I was always willing to appreciate him for the good man I know he is.  He always treated me so good.

I'm a little bit harder to find this time.  I moved to another state.

I can't help but wonder if He thinks of me as often as I think of him, if he still has the same feelings i do. I also wonder if he's trying to find me.  Real love never goes away. 

deezyangel deezyangel
31-35, F
Feb 7, 2010