Heaven's Rapper

I remember when we first met, we didn't even talk to eachother cuz we both scared eachother. i still dunno how u could've possibly been afraid of me, u were 2 feet taller than me, and i looked like a thug version of Norbit at the time. We didn't start talking alot til the next year. Joseph and Lindsey were deadset on getting me to come to the youth nights at our church. I usually hated goin cuz i pretty much had no friends there, but somehow they convinced me to go. That night they were watching a  comedy movie, and the adults seperated  us kids by gender, so your girlfriend was on the other side with Lindsey. You and Joseph were best friends, so the three of us sat next to eachother, but Joseph and the other guys were focused on making noise and bein crazy the whole night, so you and me both just sat there awkwardly  for a while. Finally, we both started to let our guards down and started having a good night, laughing at the corny jokes in the movie, prank calling your girlfriend, and talking about music. You told me about how you wanted to be a famous christian rapper and how u and Joseph always recorded music. i'd seen a few of your songs on facebook, but never actually clicked on them... i dunno why. I told you how i always wrote to music too, not Christian rap, just how i felt. After that we pretty much hanged out every sunday at church, sitting in the front row, well not really sitting, u were always jumping, singing and dancing to the music. I really admire your spirit. I stopped going to youth after a while, so the only time we ever talked outside of church was when we were texting or on facebook. We sometimes talked about music and doing a song together sometime, but we usually talked about problems we had at the time. you were having relationship problems with your girl and i was having problems staying in church. watever problems we had we always tried to talk to eachother and help eachother out as much as we could. Sometime near the end of the summer tho I just stopped going to church period. No one was more aware of that than you, every sunday morning i got a text asking if i was going, and every afternoon when church ended i got a text asking where i was. It went like this for a while til about the end of September, i started going regelarly again, and things were like how they were before, us sitting in the front row dancing and singing along with the music. It went like this til December 11th, church was over and people were leaving. Me and Joseph were talking when we noticed we couldn't find you. That's when we noticed you were sitting at the alter praying still. We came over and sat with you for a while, by the time you were done you looked up woth tears in your eyes, but with a look that looked like you just lost a huge load of stress. One of the other kid's dads walked up to us ang gave us a speech. I don't remember it exactly now, but i think it was about how we have so much to live for in our loves and how much we can accomplish with enough faith and friends to have our backs. He finished his speech and left, then Joseph left to talk to his girlfriend. You told me how your life had just taken a great turn for the best, everything bad was behind you, you and your girlfriend had fixed any problems and were happier than ever. He asked if I wanted to hang out the rest of the day amd finally record a song, I said yeah, but i had to help fix our house, there was a hurricane a week before and all the tiles fell off our roof. I asked if he wanted to hang on saturday, and he said that worked. Then he brought up something he'd brought up before, my necklace. It was all black beads with crosses in between. He always asked if he could have it, I always offered to go get one with him, but he always liked the one i had. I made a mental note to just give it to him Saturday. His girlfriend came over and the two started talking, I thought i'd give them some alone time and said my byes to both of em. I never told them, but I was always jealous of them. when I had a ralationship, I always wanted it like theirs. That week went by kinda quick, bein close to Christmas and all. I was bored that night so I just went around facebook for a while. The first thing I noticed was that there were a buncha post on your wall woundering where you were, u hadn't responded to your text for a while. I didn't think much of it, figured you were just busy at the moment. Sunday came around and still no one had heard from you. The worry was clear on everybody's faces, but church went on like usual. When I got back home, i got curious to where you've been, so i sent you a message, "Hey". Nothing else, just that. No response, I thought you'd just reply later. That night , I got text and calls from people from church telling me that you were dead. I didn't have any emotion, no sadness, no anger, nothing but confusion. I didn't find out til i watched the news rhe next day and i was even more confused. Your own friends did this? How'd they accidentally shoot you in the back of the head? Why'd then even have a gun? Why would they just try and hide your body outside for a whole day? Did they ever play on calling the police? The more I thought about it the angrier I became. But the one question that ran through my gead the most was "Why didn't I try and call you sooner?" You'd been dead since Friday but there was a week in between! I could've called, we could've made plans for earlier so you didn't haveta spend the day at their house making music instead. Your funeral was the hardest thing for me to sit though in my whole life. The next Sunday was Christmas... it didn't feel like Christmas. I got your girlfriend her own necklace. I planned on giving her my necklace, YOUR necklace, but i just felt so guilty about everything that I just couldn't do it. I still haven't gotten over it, there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about it. Losing you was like losing a brother. The other day I finally listened to one of your songs. I couldn't get to the end without crying.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0K2ulx_4Sg
WolfintheWillows WolfintheWillows
18-21, M
May 5, 2012