It's been 5 years today and sometimes I think I miss him more now than ever. Today is the day I feel like death, I wander in a haze only half paying attention to anything, I eat little, and I worry everyone around me because I don't speak much. Today I feel his absense more than ever -- there's only one day that hurts more than today and that's his birthday. Today is the day he died. Today is the day I wish I could rewind and fix.

His words echo everywhere and I feel as if he haunts my every movement. Today is the day where I see him everywhere and feel his absense in everything. My best friend, my first love - I miss him so much. Everyone looks and says "You'll be okay." Everyone watches and says "You need to get over it." Everyone has their advice but I can't seem to "move on" as they say.

My pictures of him, the only thing that keeps my heart from shattering, are gone. Someone tossed them out while I was gone and now the only pictures I have are his graduation photo and his military photo; both of which were packed away - which is why they weren't tossed in the trash as well.

This year I don't even have my best friend to talk to. I'm alone. And I can't stop missing him.
cdailey cdailey
22-25, F
May 12, 2012