I Miss My Friend That Died
I miss my best friend more then I can describe. It's been 3 years but it only seems like it was less then a week ago that she died.
Tia was not perfect at all, neither was our friendship. We fought with each other constantly. No one in my life has ever made me more mad then this person, but it was because we were so much alike, and we were so dramatic with each other that also made us better friends then anyone I know. Our fights were intense, but so was everything else. When we laughed it was more then most people, when we cried it was more, we cared about each other more then most friends will ever find in their lifetime.
Tia was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis when she was only a year old. She had it so bad that doctors told her parents she wouldn't see her 2nd birthday, but Tia did live past that. Every year the doctors said she would not make it another year, but Tia was always a stubborn strong willed person that she had to prove the doctors wrong.
I met Tia when we were 18 years old, she had worked at a local store with my sister in law and we ended up going out to a party with Tia one night after they got off work. We instantly hit it off as friends. I have never met someone so funny. It may of been because we were overtired but we laughed and laughed until it hurt.
Tia hated being treated differently because of her disease, but sometimes it was impossible not to treat her different. She couldn't have kids because her body couldn't handle it, so it used to be hard for her to be around my daughter because she wanted kids of her own one day.
She always pushed men away from her and never settled into a serious relationship because she didn't want someone to fall in love with her and then die.
Tia's life was always like a time bomb. She would be perfectly fine one day and then the next she would be on her death bed in the hospital. Every time we got the call that Tia was emitted in the hospital, we always had to prepare for the worst. Many times my sister in law and myself would be sitting by her bed saying our goodbyes. Tia has died about 6 times and been brought back to life by resuscitation. From the day I met her until the day she died I was always preparing myself for the day that she wouldn't wake back up.
Tia's lungs were so deteriorated by the time she was 21 years old that she had to live with an oxygen mask on to keep her alive. I still remember the times I would take her to the mall and people would stare and shockingly laugh at Tia for having to drag around an oxygen container.
She was on a waiting list for a double lung transplant but she was so far down the list that it would take 2-3 years to get her new lungs. Tia only had months left because she basically could not breathe on her own and her lungs were functioning at very low levels. Tia used to describe it to me like she was drowning from the inside. We were always very hopeful that Tia would make it past anything, after all she did cheat death dozens of times before this. This time was different though, Tia was preparing herself for death. We had many nights that we sat up and cried just talking about what there might be after death. Her parents were already mourning their loss. It was a very sad time in my life watching my best friend fade away. I was in a very dark place. It got to the point that I couldn't even look at her or anything that reminded me of her without breaking down crying.
About a month later, I got a call from Tia's house. I sat down and closed my eyes feeling my heart going up into my throat. I picked up the phone and started crying even before I said hello. To my surprise it was Tia on the phone. She told me to stop sobbing like a baby and that she had good news. I had to compose myself because I was sure it was her parents calling me to tell me this was it.
But Tia again got lucky and was about to cheat death at least one last time. She got a match for her lungs, and was flying out in a few days to get the surgery. I jumped up and down and screamed I was so happy.
Tia got her surgery and made a full recovery. We stopped being so depressed all the time and started living again. We were back to our old selves when we first starting being friends.
The last time I hung out with Tia was on my birthday in October. We had a blast! She told me she had met a guy that she loved, they were already talking about marriage. I never seen her so happy. She was healthy, she could do things she never could do before like running!
Tia had decided that she and her new boyfriend were going to go on a vacation for a month and a half and would be back around the beginning of december. I was happy for her that she had pushed the whole death thing behind her.
December came and I had seen Tia a few more times, I noticed she was losing weight and kind of pale and had asked her if she was ok. She would get really angry at me to the point we would get in major fights. She insisted that she was perfectly healthy and that her doctors said she had at least another 10-15 years with her new lungs. I knew something was wrong though she was my best friend after all and I seen her on her death bed enough that I knew when she looked sick. I kept pressing her to go to the doctor. Finally she told me she didn't want to because she didn't want to hear that she was dying again.
I let it go because the more I pushed her the more she pushed me away and our friendship was starting to suffer. After a few weeks she did seem to get better though, she gained weight back and wasn't ghostly.
I went out and bought her christmas present, we talked for about 3 hours on the phone on Christmas Eve. I told her how she was going to love her present when we were saying good night. She paused and her voice cracked a bit, She told me I shouldn't of got her a present that I would be wasting my money. I said nonsense you will love it. I did not clue into her giving me a hint that she didn't think she would be there when I got back to town to give it to her.
The day after Christmas was one of the agonizing days of my life. My sister in law called me and asked me if I was ok. I said yes why? and she started sobbing on the phone. I sat down and felt like I couldn't breathe. I said is Tia in the hospital, can we go see her? my sister in law said we couldn't see her that she had already passed away. I told her she was a liar and hung up the phone.
I was hurt that Tia didn't call me when she went into the hospital. All the times I had sat beside her when she was dying. When she knew it was going to be permeant she thought she would spare my feelings. She wrote me a letter telling me about how great of a friend I was that I helped her feel alive even when she was trapped in a world of death. She wrote that she figured out what was after death, that it had to be something better then life, because god would not punish her like this if she was not getting something wonderful on the other side.
Her letter was 3 pages long, I still have it pressed between the pages of a book.
I locked myself away from anyone for months and would not let them talk to me about Tia. It was a year before I could even say her name and not break down into tears.
There is not a day that I don't think about Tia. About how she had taught me how to be a stronger person. I don't regret one minute of our friendship. The fights, the tears, the laughter, it was all perfect. I miss her more then I could ever imagine. Every time something big happened,I graduated from university, my sister in law got married, I got married, I had another kid. I would always think about how much I miss her and wish she was here. No friend will ever amount to how much she meant to me. I loved Tia and I can only hope she is having a great time wherever she is.
Tia was not perfect at all, neither was our friendship. We fought with each other constantly. No one in my life has ever made me more mad then this person, but it was because we were so much alike, and we were so dramatic with each other that also made us better friends then anyone I know. Our fights were intense, but so was everything else. When we laughed it was more then most people, when we cried it was more, we cared about each other more then most friends will ever find in their lifetime.
Tia was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis when she was only a year old. She had it so bad that doctors told her parents she wouldn't see her 2nd birthday, but Tia did live past that. Every year the doctors said she would not make it another year, but Tia was always a stubborn strong willed person that she had to prove the doctors wrong.
I met Tia when we were 18 years old, she had worked at a local store with my sister in law and we ended up going out to a party with Tia one night after they got off work. We instantly hit it off as friends. I have never met someone so funny. It may of been because we were overtired but we laughed and laughed until it hurt.
Tia hated being treated differently because of her disease, but sometimes it was impossible not to treat her different. She couldn't have kids because her body couldn't handle it, so it used to be hard for her to be around my daughter because she wanted kids of her own one day.
She always pushed men away from her and never settled into a serious relationship because she didn't want someone to fall in love with her and then die.
Tia's life was always like a time bomb. She would be perfectly fine one day and then the next she would be on her death bed in the hospital. Every time we got the call that Tia was emitted in the hospital, we always had to prepare for the worst. Many times my sister in law and myself would be sitting by her bed saying our goodbyes. Tia has died about 6 times and been brought back to life by resuscitation. From the day I met her until the day she died I was always preparing myself for the day that she wouldn't wake back up.
Tia's lungs were so deteriorated by the time she was 21 years old that she had to live with an oxygen mask on to keep her alive. I still remember the times I would take her to the mall and people would stare and shockingly laugh at Tia for having to drag around an oxygen container.
She was on a waiting list for a double lung transplant but she was so far down the list that it would take 2-3 years to get her new lungs. Tia only had months left because she basically could not breathe on her own and her lungs were functioning at very low levels. Tia used to describe it to me like she was drowning from the inside. We were always very hopeful that Tia would make it past anything, after all she did cheat death dozens of times before this. This time was different though, Tia was preparing herself for death. We had many nights that we sat up and cried just talking about what there might be after death. Her parents were already mourning their loss. It was a very sad time in my life watching my best friend fade away. I was in a very dark place. It got to the point that I couldn't even look at her or anything that reminded me of her without breaking down crying.
About a month later, I got a call from Tia's house. I sat down and closed my eyes feeling my heart going up into my throat. I picked up the phone and started crying even before I said hello. To my surprise it was Tia on the phone. She told me to stop sobbing like a baby and that she had good news. I had to compose myself because I was sure it was her parents calling me to tell me this was it.
But Tia again got lucky and was about to cheat death at least one last time. She got a match for her lungs, and was flying out in a few days to get the surgery. I jumped up and down and screamed I was so happy.
Tia got her surgery and made a full recovery. We stopped being so depressed all the time and started living again. We were back to our old selves when we first starting being friends.
The last time I hung out with Tia was on my birthday in October. We had a blast! She told me she had met a guy that she loved, they were already talking about marriage. I never seen her so happy. She was healthy, she could do things she never could do before like running!
Tia had decided that she and her new boyfriend were going to go on a vacation for a month and a half and would be back around the beginning of december. I was happy for her that she had pushed the whole death thing behind her.
December came and I had seen Tia a few more times, I noticed she was losing weight and kind of pale and had asked her if she was ok. She would get really angry at me to the point we would get in major fights. She insisted that she was perfectly healthy and that her doctors said she had at least another 10-15 years with her new lungs. I knew something was wrong though she was my best friend after all and I seen her on her death bed enough that I knew when she looked sick. I kept pressing her to go to the doctor. Finally she told me she didn't want to because she didn't want to hear that she was dying again.
I let it go because the more I pushed her the more she pushed me away and our friendship was starting to suffer. After a few weeks she did seem to get better though, she gained weight back and wasn't ghostly.
I went out and bought her christmas present, we talked for about 3 hours on the phone on Christmas Eve. I told her how she was going to love her present when we were saying good night. She paused and her voice cracked a bit, She told me I shouldn't of got her a present that I would be wasting my money. I said nonsense you will love it. I did not clue into her giving me a hint that she didn't think she would be there when I got back to town to give it to her.
The day after Christmas was one of the agonizing days of my life. My sister in law called me and asked me if I was ok. I said yes why? and she started sobbing on the phone. I sat down and felt like I couldn't breathe. I said is Tia in the hospital, can we go see her? my sister in law said we couldn't see her that she had already passed away. I told her she was a liar and hung up the phone.
I was hurt that Tia didn't call me when she went into the hospital. All the times I had sat beside her when she was dying. When she knew it was going to be permeant she thought she would spare my feelings. She wrote me a letter telling me about how great of a friend I was that I helped her feel alive even when she was trapped in a world of death. She wrote that she figured out what was after death, that it had to be something better then life, because god would not punish her like this if she was not getting something wonderful on the other side.
Her letter was 3 pages long, I still have it pressed between the pages of a book.
I locked myself away from anyone for months and would not let them talk to me about Tia. It was a year before I could even say her name and not break down into tears.
There is not a day that I don't think about Tia. About how she had taught me how to be a stronger person. I don't regret one minute of our friendship. The fights, the tears, the laughter, it was all perfect. I miss her more then I could ever imagine. Every time something big happened,I graduated from university, my sister in law got married, I got married, I had another kid. I would always think about how much I miss her and wish she was here. No friend will ever amount to how much she meant to me. I loved Tia and I can only hope she is having a great time wherever she is.
By:
Keers
Age:
26-30
,
Female
