The Meaning of Friendship(s)


My story is like many others here. Basically we win then lose some. A lot of people believe we all have a plan in life and who ever we meet is our life lesion, some forever or shorter than others. But, this is what troubles me about that? Why is it we do meet some people who talk to us about how you are such a great person or best friend they have ever had? Tell you how they love going out or just being around doing casual things and telling you their feelings of how much they really mean to you as if you are family, or even sisters, where ever you go I go and how they are lost without you and the friendship connection because you are like the MasterCard committal, you are their “price: free,” but reality with a price? Then before you know it after they get what they want out of you (or out of college or classes) like cheep men for instance, POOF! They’re gone running around with someone else calling them their best bud and doing things you two use to do. Not just people we met in college or groups but even your closest friends! Wow, how is this surprising to relate too! You may think by reading my tone perhaps, “she is mad or clearly upset.” No, I am neither any of those emotions…I just miss my friends.   And now my story begins…   Imagine living in a small town. Everyone knows each other like the back of their hands. Try being a little different and automatically you are the next version of red noised rain deer. Making friends growing up was hard enough especially when they were not even true friends to begin with. Till one day when you develop a brain cell or two you actually open up you’re eyes and see, even the people you did not notice before shifted and took form and suddenly you realize and say to yourself,  “what have I been doing all this time?!” This is what I regret now that I am about to be married and look at my life.   My two first best friends were two brothers. One in the same class as me and his younger brother three years younger than us he was always there for me and so was his brother till they had to move when we were both in sixth grade close to the end of the year because his step-dad got offered a better job. They would occasionally visit but as the years came longer for some reason I felt I was less important because we were maturing and boys are not suppose to be with girls, as their mother believed who I declare she was and still is a worthless ***** because of how she would fill their heads with “crap?” Even she knew they were my only friends and that was that but would not let me see them because for some apparent reason I was an embarrassment because I was their best friend when it should be a “boy.” One day I was so surprised when I heard the news that my best friend was coming back to school, high school at the time being, and when I thought things would be a little the same all a sudden like a semi with the lights beaming in my face he started to make fun of me along with the other jerks in our class who he use to not like?! Actually, we made fun of them as well. His other brother though, we still talked and got along as if we were not that far apart and he would be the only one at the time when they would be in town to come visit me. I miss the old days with them when they would come over and play and be ourselves, laughing like we use to be. This is why I miss Brandon and Kyle, my childhood best friends.   My true friends I knew all my life. My best friend did not start off as my best friend, we actually hated each other because we both knew how she was a mean little girl growing up which is hilarious now and the fact I accidentally got water on her giga-pet I asked to borrow and fried it in the fifth grade!!!! She was gone for a year because of the incident….lol nah I am kidding… the reason was her parents moved out in the country being a little closer to another town…so when she came back to school here we started being close in Jr. High. She was not use to having a close friend because once she got mad and yelled, “you follow me like a lost puppy,” and then I went in the bathroom and cried like a little boy that peed his pants on the playground during that lunch lol. After I showed to her that I stayed by her and helped her in anyway I could she finally understood telling me, “I understand why you like to be with me a lot I do not like being alone now neither and you truly are a friend!” We had our history but passed that and never really think about it only that I forgave her for it and I know us humans, we are not perfect in anyway. To me I think of it as an boyfriend you have had for a while then you want to try something or someone new until you finally see that other people are just flings or just using you to get one thing then you are nothing…lol. Anyway, the ending of the tenth grade year her parents were divorcing and she had to move six hours away…that was the saddest days of my life and because of that I did not like going to school anymore, for the first time in my life I felt so lonely of losing my best friend. My best friend is truly my sister and is also going to be my maid of honor in my upcoming wedding. We moved a day before another to the same state after graduating from high school. The funny part about it was that we both moved to the same state and distance, six hours apart! We both believe now we were meant to be in each other’s lives forever. We still talk, but not like we use to all the time and such but we both wish we were closer. We both beg each other to move to the towns she or I are at but since I am getting married my husband to be as been to the town and will not move to the big city which I understand because I do not like it myself. But, we still plan to one day be closer. This is I miss my true best friend, Lyndee.   My other who I thought was my best friend, Zern, wow I was truly surprised by him the most out of all of my experiences with people. Now, we where thicker than blood we had a lot going for each other and even vowed on one another of how strong our bond was. We both had the same ideas and remarks about others and what we believed in always laughed at anything or always happy. The saddest part was before he even told anyone he was gay I helped him out by pretending while in high school that he was my boyfriend so he was not picked on by high schoolers who were homophobic. I was always there for him…and…last year when he learned he had a genetic illness, even though it was nothing serious, I went back because I wanted to support him and let him know I was there. When I graduated he did not show? Or, when I came to visit and almost moved back he hardly came to see me. Plus, we made an agreement since he has always wanted kids that I was going to be his egg donor. Think of is as the Will and Grace Episodes that was pretty much us! We loved each other, but not in a way that was intimate. I have tired talking to him now and still I am a shadow…and this is why I miss my best friend, Scott or “Zern.” I do not hope this but one day when he needs someone I might be the one helping him to stand up. But still…he became popular and I became the shadow.   My last best friend who I do miss a lot as much as the ones I have stated. Yes, we have had our moments as people and betrayal and all…but still hurt me a lot. We have changed in some ways but still…I count her as my best friend because she was there at a time when I had no one. She lives in the same place as we were kids and she is stuck with life. Thankfully, she is not involved in stupid manners and drugs. She wants to move to be close to me as well but she is having a hard time supporting herself and keeping a job and leaving her old grandmother who needs her. I miss of how we would chill and hang out and just…I just wish I was back in my teenager years again because we were all near and together, I could be with all three of my best friends in one place…because now, I am lonely and cry all the time wishing and dreaming of my past to come back…and that I wish I was near them, or someday will be soon. Ever since I have moved in a new area, every time, I try or do make a friend…it is generally the same thing. Only after one thing then “next!” as I have stated in the beginning that is what making friends is really all that when you are older.    If teens are reading this, make your friends and hold them close because they are all that you got and people who you can trust, even if it is just one or two! I learned this the hard way, the after math of life. Seriously, you’re best friends are usually the ones you hated to love and grew up with through everything!   This is why I miss my best friends Lyndee, Sabrina, and Zern. I am lucky I even have met them or had the honor of being their best friend!      
Wishesandwonders Wishesandwonders
1 Response Feb 16, 2009

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