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I Am Not Allowed To See My Son Or Grandchildren Anymore!

I had one lovely dil who was very very ill and sadly almost 3 years ago she died. She left behind 4 daughters,2 son's and her husband (my son).
During the time that she was ill I was working at 6 every morning and then again lunch times and eve's and on top of this I was extremely upset over my dil when we heard that she didn't have very long to live and was taking them back and forth to the hospitals as they had no transport.
In the end I was so worn out that I gave my lunch time job up so as I had the day free to go back and forth to the hospital but then of cause I had less money and so had the worry of how to afford petrol in my car but my family was all that mattered as we had a family crisis on!

During this time my other dil decided to tell her husband (my other son) that I was unstable and couldn't see my Grandchildren anymore. My son's words when he told me was that his wife said that I was having a breakdown but she said that her words were 'unstable'.
I was lost for words as I had expected them to be supporting whilst I was going through this and also support my other son but maybe I was expecting too much from a family where material things are more important than their own family.(well my son's own family as he has also been stopped from seeing me).

My Grandaughter was the eldest and so I knew her the longest and we used to have such fun when she stayed with my husband and I and we were the ones who taught her to stay in her bed as she used to play her parents up! I always got her to make things to take home for her mum or i would buy her something to take back to her just as a little 'Thank you' because believe it or not I loved my dil !

Sometimes when my son and dil came to see us I could see jealousy in my dil face as my grandaughter and i were talking as I treated her like a grown up.I asked her once if she liked the new colour that I had added to the bathroom and she said 'yes nanny, it's nice' and I got such a look from my dil that I had to explain that my grandaughter had said that she had liked the new bathroom last time she stayed here and so I was just asking her if she liked the colour of the nick nacks and towels etc that I had added. (I can't see anything wrong with that!)

3 years ago I took my grandaughters presents round to her but was in trouble because I had handed them to her and not her mum but who's birthday was it??? Then I was frightened to go round again because she had a go at me in front of my Grandaughter accusing me of everything that she could think of just because I wouldn't hand her the presents (as people had said to me to make sure that my Grandaughter got them).
So I then got my husband to take some presents round and they were all sent back (well dumped at my front gates!) So my grandchildren will think that I don't love them and am not getting them any presents anymore.I have kept most of their presents in the hope that maybe they will get them one day but a lot of them were clothes and so it was no good keeping them.

I feel that she has really stopped me from seeing my grandchildren because she was jealous of the relationship that we had and also of my son and I  and so I am not allowed to see any of them anymore and have cried every day for over 2 years.I don't cry so much now but think about my son and Grandchildren every day and sometimes have a little cry which I try very hard to hide from my husband. 
My son has seen me a few times in secret but I can't forgive him and people say that his wife rules his life! Infact someone had already told  me this before all this happened as my son had already told someone this and she told me, but I stupidly stuck up for my dil and then she went and did this to me!!!

Has anyone else been stopped from seeing their Grandchildren? I know some people who know of others that it has happened to and so I think that it is more common than I ever thought!
sadgrandmother sadgrandmother 56-60, F 9 Responses Jul 28, 2011

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From another heart-broken Grandmother, I know your pain. I have exactly the same situation. I have 2 very beautiful and sweet granddaughters who I used to babysit, keep overnight, take them places with me, buy them toys, whatever made them happy. They are now 9 yrs old and 7 yrs old. I have not seen them in 2 years because I am NOT ALLOWED to by my dil. I saw my son a year ago when he helped me move but for his own gain only. At that time he told me not to expect anything more (meaning we would not have a relationship). He threw me out of his house one cold, icy, snowy, winter day because I gave my youngest granddaughter her birthday present before his wife cut the birthday cake! The child was excited by what I had in the bag and she wanted to see it (it was a doll) so I gave it to her. Was that such a terrible thing to be thrown out of their house over? The list goes on and on and I was very kind to his wife, taking her shopping, buying her clothes, babysitting for her at a moment's notice, taking her out to eat, etc. So my dil has forbidden me to see my granddaughters and my son will not oppose her. I told him last year that he needed to stand up and be a man and tell his wife, "This is My Mother and she is their Grandmother" but he did not do that apparently. So I feel for you dear, and I feel the soul-wrenching pain you have. I pray to God every day that my grandchildren will be restored. So I am trusting God to do this. That is all I can do. God bless you.

Hi Donac. I really feel for what you are going through and Xmas makes it even sadder when you cannot buy presnets or see your Grandchildren. I feel so much better now that I know that my Grandchildren have been told that I am going to take them away from her as people say that proves that all this started from jealousy. I have spent years crying and thinking that they must think that I don't love them anymore but now that I know that they only know what they have been told then I have stopped crying and can get on with my life! My other Grandchildren who are all grown up now have helped me through all this! Do you have any other Grandchildren Donac?

Hi I realise that this post was quite some time ago but i undersand your pain. I too have been stopped from seeing my grand children and its just horrible.

How do you cope with the pain? I recently divorced and have that pain to deal with plus the pain of not seeing my son and 2 granddaughters and also my daughter. Most of the time what I do is build an invisible imaginary wall around my heart so the pain will not keep breaking it.

Hi dell. I don't think they will as I live about 5 miles away and I doubt is they would know the way and no they don't see their cousins very much only the ones on their mums side but you never know!

Sad, Your grandchildren may contact you when they are older, do they see their cousins, the grandchildren you are in touch with?
I know of a similar situation, when granchildren were older they " caught on" to the mothers treatment of her and became close again to the grandchildren.

So sad for you simpfan that you have to find everything out on facebook and cannot just speak to your daughter without being restricted and also your son and can only see your grandchild though facebook. I wonder if things will ever change! I don't think they will ever change for me and I am really happy with my other wonderful Grandchildren as that wonderful family would never hurt me the way that my other son's family has but I do hope that things get better for you over the years!

Hi Dell. No it is my other son and his family who sadly lost his wife and their mother.It was so sad but I don't know what I would do without those lovely Grandchildren. Having them has helped me through not being allowed to see my other grandchildren and the nice thing is that one of my granddaughters has just had a lovely baby and is really happy with her fiance and my oldest granddaughter is getting married next year. I am so happy for them and hope that all her brothers and sisters will also find happiness one day as losing your Mother at such a young age and especialy as you grow up you would want your mum at your wedding and to see your baby must be so very sad for them at this moment.
Yes my other son is frightened to stand up for himself and yet he was always able to do so all his life but cannot stand up against her as he said that it's not worth it because of the atmosphere that it causes for weeks on end! Thank you very much for enquiring Dell and I don't cry over my other Grandchildren anymore as found out that my Granddaughter had been told by her Mother that I was trying to take her away from her and so instead of crying thinking that she must think that I don't love her as can't send her presents anymore,I now think that she only knows what she has been told and have stopped crying now and I also don't want to see my son anymore as how could he possibly have allowed this! Thank you!

I feel very sad for you but I am confused by what you said, is it the family that had the mother die you can't see, or your other son with the authorative dil you can't see, or both families.

The fact your son sees you "in secret" says more about him than about you. Is he afraid to stand up to his wife for a reason you know?

I recently got a computer and joined Facebook. I lost custody of my kids years ago, so I didn't really think I would have any hope of finding them, even via a social networking site. But this month, I have discovered that I am (at the very least) a GRANDMOTHER; perhaps even a Great-Grandmother. And my elder sisters knew all about this but kept it from me. I have a beautiful mixed-race grandson who is about four years old. But nobody bothered to tell me about him, and I had to find out on Facebook! So now I copy the photos and videos which were posted on my daughter's page, because I don't know if I will always have that access. Being that Facebook is worldwide, can you view your grandchildren on it?

Hi Simpfan. No I daren't go on Facebook as I have been told that her Mum knows all who my Grandaughter speaks to on there and so her mum would find out that I was trying to contact her and go mad at me but thank you so much for caring.It means a lot and I do hope that everything works out ok with you.Life can be so sad can't it!

You can see anything they make public, without making direct contact. When I "friended" my daughter, she accepted but put me on "restricted", meaning I can't comment or like things on her site. When I friended my eldest son, my sister (whom he lives with) blocked me from accessing his page. I went around that by accessing his photo blog (he takes local sports pics). Surprisingly enough, my daughter still posts most of her pics and videos of my grandson for public view, so at least I can see those.

Now I know I'm not the only one who uses Facebook. Thank God for Facebook. I recently divorced and changed my last name back to my maiden name. In this way, I get access to my son and dil's facebook pages and whenever I see pics of my granddaughters, I copy and paste them onto my computer. It's pathetic that we have to do this but it keeps me current with what they look like while they are growing up and I am not allowed to see them. My dil was jealous of my relationship with her daughters and my son because she did not have a good mother or a good upbringing. She is isolating my son from our family and of course, his daughters. I put the pics of my granddaughters and my son and his wife away in drawers. It has helped a little with the pain, I found.