Always Remembered

Even though I only knew you for 6 months it felt like a life time. I miss everything about you. I even miss your drinking problem. I remember how you always told me that I was your favorite and the most beautiful granddaughter you have. You never said that to anyone else. I have that blanket I made you. I will cherish it for life. I remember singing Amazing Grace for you. I never wanted to admit that you passed away. I remember everything. You had pneumonia and your left lung was collapsing onto your right one. You had to be on oxygen. You didn't want to be in the hospital because you couldn't smoke or drink. Then that dumb ***** other granddaughter told you how you could sign yourself out of the hospital. You did. You were sitting outside in the rain, with your oxygen tank, and smoking when mum picked you up. You were home for two days. On the second night I was staying up late on the computer listening to music and chatting with friends. I was put in charge to make sure your oxygen tank was in good condition. I logged off and checked on you then went to bed. I woke up the next morning to silence. The birds weren't even chirping. My mother came in and said she had to talk to me. In my heart I knew you were gone. I didn't cry. I was too shocked. Then your daughter came in and started talking to me. And then I started crying. You didn't want a funeral. You wanted to be cremated and have your ashes spread in Texas. You loved it there. It's where you spent your life from adulthood till senior years when you came back to Mass. There was a memorial. I kept it together, And then Amazing Grace was played and I lost it. The people that knew about the singing looked over at me. I couldn't breathe. On the way home Avril Lavigne "When You're Gone" or "I Miss You" was playing. I lost it again. Because just that morning I was in your bedroom and everything was left the same thing. You left me your hat. I treasure it with all my heart. Then when I got to see your death certificate I shuddered. Everyone was confused. They didn't know that you died 5 minutes after I checked on you. It was proven that if you stayed in the hospital you would still be alive today. I blame that granddaughter (my cousin). I won't talk to her. She doesn't know because she'd probably kill herself. I miss you Grandpa. For some strange reason I treasure one thing. The thing that matters to me. The thing that makes me lose control. I was the LAST person to see you ALIVE. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. I will never forget how you looked. You were sleeping in your favorite chair with the oxygen nose mask thingy on. It was on perfect. The oxygen tank was perfect. You looked peaceful. I'm happy that that is the last image I have of you. My mum, your daughter, and everyone else has the image of you being dead or your ashes. You were pale, cold, and didn't look peaceful and looked like dust when you were cremated. I feel bad that mum has that as her last memory. She loved you with every fiber of her being. I was left with the greatest memory ever. I still can't listen to the songs mentioned. I cry every time. I lose it. I miss the compliments. I miss everything.
LoversEnd LoversEnd
18-21, F
May 14, 2012