He Was The Tallest Man In My Life (literally)

They never tell you how hard it will be when you lose someone close to you. I lost my last grandfather in February and the hole in my heart just won't close or even try to. I'd already lost my biological father's parents by the time I was 4 and I never knew them anyway, my parents divorced when I was 1 and my dad's parents (mum's 2nd marriage) were both dead before I was 6, so I don't remember any of them, but I always had my mother's parents. Especially my granddad.
My grandfather was my favorite grandparent and he was everything to me. I was his favorite and he made that obvious to everyone. He taught me everything and he helped to raise me. I would not be where I was today (about to go to Uni) without him and he gave me my passion for history, but once he left work at 68 he got sicker. He was a funny, sarcastic man who was the tallest man in my life (6:6) and he always told me I made him fell better through my hugs.
I was his 'bestest girl' (he always called me that) because I am the 5th out of 8 grandchild and I am probably the only one that has the grades to go to uni. He just wanted to see one of his grandchildren graduate and that is what really hurts. I was his shining light and now my world is darker because he's not in it. I really wish I could have been born just a few years earlier because then he would have gotten his wish.
He was in and out of the hospital more times than I could count and the doctors tried everything to slow it down, but he was just too ill and in the end they just gave him drugs to sedate him. I hate remembering that last week and I saw him the day before he died. He was awake long enough to say hi to me before they gave him another round of medication and put him back to sleep.
My school work was everything to my grandfather because he was so proud of me and although my mother has now taken on the role that my grandfather had (as well as my aunt ada, who is my grandfather's older sister) of hearing about every good grade or possible grade or award or coursework mark. The problem is when I get an award for my media work or the highest grade in for ICT coursework in class, I want nothing more than to just call him, but it still takes me a few minutes to realise and remember.
I remember that when I went down the stairs of my school to leave and saw my mum...I felt my whole world just crash around me and I realised that I'd lost the most important man in my life. For the last four years, my grandfather has been a big part of my life and now...now I have lost the tallest man in my life (literally).

I just feel lost and I know that is because it is raw, but he died just before my birthday and this year just didn't start out well...at all.
OddChildOut OddChildOut
18-21, F
May 16, 2012