4 Years And It Still Hurts.

Me and my Grandfather never was close, until the last year of his life that I spent taking care of him. I was only 12 when he passed away and I'm now 17. I didn't cry when I lost him either, everyone around me was broken and torn up over loosing him but I didn't even shed a tear. 4 years later and now cry over him, when I'm alone at night in bed. I've never cried over him infront of anyone, my mum still think's I haven't grieved for him yet. Maybe I haven't. I don't really know how to. So I get angry and lash out, I regret my actions straight away but I can't stop. I talk to him some times when I feel stressed or lonely and some times I hear him talking back. I know he's in a better place, he was so ill and in pain the last time I saw him, I'm glad he's out of that. But I can't help but blame myself for not getting to know him as much as I should have and not telling him I love him. I regret not doing those things, I hope he forgives me.
unknowngirl2012 unknowngirl2012
18-21, F
May 17, 2012