G.pa I am missing you tonight and wishing you could've fought a bit longer and managed a come back in the last round. Thinking about our time... apple picking... learning to drive a manual transmission... losing grandma... arguing over the "quality" of my cooking... shaving your face just the right way... convincing you that you could make it another round...and how many times you made a comeback! I remember you and spanky walking around the block and flirting with the neighbors..sneaking Spanky into the hospital with the help of those nurses because no one could stand to see you miss him, the way he didn't hesitate to jump right in your lap....I hope you if there is life after life that he is with you and grandma... I can remember the tough yet smooth skin on the back of your neck and how it looked like shiny leather... the way I combed your hair, the way you always had to "fix" it when I was done..I remember seeing you in the yard that afternoon frustrated and sad and worn out from surgery after surgery, sort of hunched over with teary eyes, you had tried to fix the window frame and couldn't... not for lack of "know how" but your body wouldn't cooperate, I saw how defeated you felt by the expression in your eyes...my heart broke for you... I told you that you'd earned enough senority that you got to be the supervisor and didn't have to do the manual labor... and you told me how "****" it was to get old ... I remember sordid tales of boxing matches and punch ups not all of which took place in a ring... and sometimes still when I think about it all I still feel angry at the cosmos for constantly knocking you down, barely giving you a chance to get back on your feet before dealing you another blow...that still feels unfair because you fought hard and you gave them hell every last second... I'm glad though that you don't have to fight anymore... I like to think that maybe I've got it all wrong and maybe you didn't lose when you closed your eyes for the last time...maybe that is when you won? I won't dwell here long I know you wouldn't approve and I don't feel sorry for you as much as I feel sorry for not having you... I keep you in my heart and memories but we both know that's not quite as good and it sure isn't as fun... if I could drive you around in the car again I would let you whistle at every woman we passed...even if it wasn't the polite nice thing to do... and I would even break the mechanical chair at the eye doctors office with you all over again just so we could laugh together... I've still got some of the gauze and tongue depressors we "borrowed" from every doctor we ever visited... G.pa I love you, I miss you. I haven't ever forgotten you.
Its not as good as your harmonica but it does the trick.
Love your lil slave (worst pet name ever btw slave driver) xoxo