Four Years Today

I've been on edge all day.  My emotions have been like a rollercoaster and the frustration of not knowing why has made it all even worse.  So, as usual, I called my mom to have a good cry.  My dad answered.  As soon as I heard his voice I was reminded that four years ago today my grandma (Dad's mother) passed away.  And it all came back to me.  I was with her when she took her last breath.  Due to her declining health (cancer & alzhiemers) my family made the decision to move her into a nursing home for 24 hour care.  The nurse called me that morning at work to let me know she wasn't doing well and that my father had been by but had left.  I left work and went to the home.  When I arrived the nurse met me at the door to her room and was crying.  She hugged me and I went in, sat by her side, held her hand, kissed her forehead and told her I loved her.  Then she took her last breath.  I have never in my life experienced such a profound silence as I did that day.  I held her hand and cried,  all the time knowing that she was smiling down and amongst her family who had been waiting for her.
I was the one who had to tell my father that his mother passed away.  He was still in town and returned to the home.  I was the one who held my father while he cried.  I was the one who called all the family to deliver the news.  My father cried in my arms.  My father, the strongest man I have ever known.  The man I adore more than life itself.  The man who, as a small child with a child's heart, I was going to marry one day.  Me.
When dad answered the phone tonight it all came back to words were spoken about the meaning of today...he just told me that he loved me.  I said, "I love you to daddy".  I never did talk to my mom.
Isn't it funny how sometimes memories are lost in your mind but never in your heart?
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2 Responses Apr 29, 2011

Oh foolish, this made me tear up while i read it. Im so sorry for your loss. That was a big job to make all those calls at a hard time for your family. Your father will always remember what a wonderfully loving and kind daughter he has. April 29th will never be one of the best days for you, but i hope that in time, it's not so bad. I hope all the best memories stay with you for as long as you live. She must have been an amazing woman!

Reminds me of when my mom died. Eerily similar. Peace my friend. And lots of hugs.