Big Angel

Growing up, I never knew my dad and my mom was single for the first part of it. My grandparents doted on me from the second I was born. My grandma was by marriage only but that never mattered at all and still does not. I lived every summer vacation (all 2 1/2 months) with them, reveling in the princess treatment. As I grew up the visits naturally became more infrequent and, unfortunately, the phone calls did as well. I have battled depression and PTSD for years. Thanksgiving this year was spent at the in-laws. My husband and I then went to my mom's for pie. My mom told my at least twice to call my grandparents in Chicago.  I should also mention that at the time I was bitter about rumors that my brother had been brown nosing my grandparents and now getting the gigazmo holiday packages for their child that I had become accustomed to as a kid and wanted in return for my child. So after a brief internal debate I decided to not call. ("Christmas is just around the corner" Right?) Well as Im sure you might have guessed by now, my grandmother died that six days later, on Wednesday. The funeral was Friday. We flew out and were back on Monday. The whole thing was such a whirlwind it was difficult to even process. My grandma had always seemed very healthy. She was less than two weeks away from her 89th, and always going out and generally living her life. I just couldn't believe it. I miss my grandma immensely. I cry at least once a day and have had two strange dreams, one of them being very gripping, causing me pain I could feel in my chest as I slept. I really miss her and the fact that I didn't call her on Thanksgiving and use my one last chance to say "I  love  you" kills me everyday.

SamanthaSterlyng SamanthaSterlyng
22-25, F
Feb 5, 2009