So my Mimi passed away just over 2 years ago. She died in Dec, right before Christmas. We canceled Christmas that year. Last year, Christmas was just weird. I kept expecting to go up and visit her.

This year, I tried really hard to hide how much I miss her. No one else said anything either, I don't know if they are already over it, or if they are like me.

The only comment made was about how we didn't even want to see my cousin's baby. I think we meant it. I know I did. After Mimi died, the whole family fell apart. We were only "together" for her anyhow.

Part of me actually feels guilty for enjoying Christmas this year. I know she would want me to be happy, but ...

I think maybe I need to ride out to the cemetery and have a good cry.
eyes eyes
31-35, F
6 Responses Dec 27, 2007

I'm really sorry for your loss and I understand what you are going through, because my grandma passed away 24th March this year...
Easter was really weird and sad for me as well (especially because a woman called and told us that my grandma had ordered a duck for Easter...and I kept imagining how she would stand in her kitchen preparing the duck for us...and how she didn't have a clue that she wouldn't be around for Easter.)

Don't feel guilty that you enjoyed Christmas: as you said; your grandma would want it this way. I imagine that a good way to deal with such a loss especially around holidays is having a good talk about the person who is missing. Because everyone actually is aware of the loss and I bet everyone was thinking of other Christmases, when your grandma still was around. So it's rather weird and even sadder when people are keeping their mouth shut and their thoughts to themselves: Everyone thinks "I seem to be the only one thinking of her so I rather won't spoil the day by mentioning her." But if you just shared your thoughts you would see how the other family members are thinking of her as well and you could share your memories of your grandma so that she would actually be there in a way.

EDIT: I just saw that the last post is rather old, but I still want to share my thoughts about this (also because you sure haven't forgotten about your grandma)

I think that most of us have the feeling that our loved ones are there to protect us. When we don't know anyone, we feel alone, isolated. <br />
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I don't think its any different than walking into a party where everyone knows everyone, except you. If the party were in a graveyard and was populated only by ghouls, of course.

The newly dead haven't had time to figure out how to escape the graves and ravage their evils upon the world!<br />
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Its just creepier because it is the unknown. I think if I were in any cemetery where I didn't personally know the departed I would feel uneasy.

My dads whole family is there. It never feels weird or creepy at all to me. <br />
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Now, if I were to drive to the other family burial ground, I wouldn't be able to sit out there at night. Those graves are very very old, and thus much creepier. I actually think its the hundred and sum-odd year old church that sits next to the cemetery that freaks me out up there though.

Wow. I actually laughed at "you all" - being from Texas, I'm not used to seeing that. <br />
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I think I will go to the cemetery again. I know people think I'm crazy for going out there at night and sitting in the graveyard, but I don't like being there in the day. Too many people, not enough quiet.

We talk about her, just not the last week. I think it might have been too painful, you know?<br />
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At Thanksgiving we had this huge debate over the stuffing, trying to make it more like hers. We all got a bit misty eyes talking about those days, but we talked about her. <br />
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Just, you know, around the anniversary of her death, it seems so much harder and so much more real.