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My Husband Died

My husband died suddenly of a massive heart attack on July 4th.  He was 55, and had no symptoms or warning signs.  I can't bear to live without him.  We've been together since I was 16 and I'm 46 now.  I've never lived on my own, and I don't know what it's like to be "single" - I've always been part of a couple.  I cry every day...I don't want to live without him.  We had a wonderful life together - never had any children by choice - we devoted ourselves completely to each other...and now I'm alone.  I feel as if I'm paralyzed or crippled...I just do what is necessary to get through each day.  I love God and I have a lot of faith, but that faith is being tested now, and I'm angry at God for taking him away from me.  I want to die so I can be with him.
jbonestone jbonestone 46-50 134 Responses Aug 23, 2010

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I am the daughter of my loving parents. My father has advanced cancer and is dying. I hate seeing my mom in such pain shes aged so much. Please remember that God will allow you to be with your loved ones when its time. Get some friends and spend time with them for support and spend time with family most important go to church spend time with God.
it breaks my heart to see you all sad. I dont think your husbands would like to see you give up on life. My Dad has 3 yrs of cancer hes dying before our eyes he has been going to church
please pray my mother prospers like i know you all lovely ladies will.
In Jesus name your friend me.

I too, just lost my husband august 9, 2014 of a massive sudden heart attack 58 years. Married 15 years. We were at a jazz concert with friends. My heart is so heavy. I miss him tremendously. He was such a really great person He touched the world with his kindness. There is such a hole in my heart. I too, just want to go with him... i just want to run away from this pain, the hardest thing I ever felt. I believe, as time moves, so will I, I just miss my husband so much.
I know, that loving someone is the greatest gift, I just thought we had until our 90's.....

My husband went into OGH in Jan.2014 and he died Feb.2014 every day since Jan.2014 I have been crying, My eyes hurt so much I have lost my eyelashes my mind,heart and soul hurts so much. All I want to do is dig a hole and bury myself in it. I just can not get over the lose of my dear partner, best-friend and husband. He was only 54 and were were married and together for 22 years. I am a very firm believer in God, Jesus and the after life. I see is soul/spirit every day, I know he is with me. He even moves and start things to let me know that he is still by my side. I just want to join him now, I don't want to wait. No I am not suicidal. , I would never do that to myself. I pray for release of this body for my soul can reunite with my true self.

My heart is so broken. I lost my husband May 28, 2014. We found each other in 2007 after failed marriages. We were exactly what each other wanted and needed. Larry was my best friend, my confidant, my lover and my partner. We both knew how lucky we were to have found each other. Our children were grown and we spent every moment together except while we worked. We lived life to the fullest and made the most of our lives together. Last March he was diagnosed with MDS and we started the beginning of the end. I spent every minute with him and was the best care giver I could be. I held his hand and sang to him as the angels took him to heaven. My heart hurts so much. I have faith that God will get me through this and I would never ask him back in the shape he was in, that would be selfish. Our anniversary is August 22. Last year we spent it in the hospital. This year I will spend it alone. I love and miss you so much Larry.

I miss my husband too. Unfortunately, I only had him for a short time, we had been married for little over a year and a half. I was there when he left this earth. He waited for me to get home and hung on for as long as he could until I told him it was ok and he can go. His breathing got labored for a few seconds, I told him again louder it was ok to go, then nothing. His breathing stopped and he was gone. that moment is burned into my memory. Sometimes, I feel like I was punished for the things I had done in the past. April 14, 2014 I stopped wearing my ring, I took it off the first anniversary of his passing. I still have the comforter he had before we were even together on my bed. I try to sleep in the middle of the bed but always wake up on my side. I have forgiven God for taking him as watching him suffer everyday was torcher. I am not afraid to die as I know he will come for me when its my time. The hard part is getting up and existing in the land of the living. I try again and again to rejoin but something always brings me back.

Hi there I've just been reading your story I too have just lost my husband suddenly on 2 September 2014 the cause of death is still unknown he had major heart surgery last year and got thro it docs were pleased with his progress we married in April 26 2014 and had the best day ever . Only for him to be taken suddenly since he died I've been beside myself with grief we were only together for nearly 2 years but I had found my soul mate I feel he took apart of me when he died and still can't understand why he's gone I don't know what to do with myself I come on this site as I feel now one understands and hoped talking to others with similar experience may help natasha

I too too feel the same and just want to be with him now

I too feel the same and want to be with him now and hope my time comes soon I have 2 girls and he has 2 children they should be enough for me to carry on but I can't do life without him

don 't die that is not what he wanted if he loved you, my Husband was sick but we thought we had it beat, not so he left me after being in intensive care for over 16 days, we live out of town drive an old beater but somehow made it to him, held him all night after all life support disconnected brain had shifted so nothing left but still held him loved him 25 years not enough but don't be angry at God be glad for time you had live now for both of you We have a dog and a cat no money but somehow i will keep us together love is a bond that death cannot sever love and remembrance last forever, I scream, I cry, I want my Husband, best friend, lover back but will go on as I know he would want me to, try, try and try harder love him forever but love yourself as you know he did

Your post made me so angry you got to have a life with him you were able to grow old together my husband was killed 6 yrs ago on aug 26th I was not by his side I didn't get to say good by I wasn't able to hold his hand I wasn't able to comfort him all I got was a nock on the door and a box delivered off a plane be thankful for what you got with your husband some didn't get that at all

55 for my Husband was not old, grateful I am, hurt, lonely, lost scared, heartbroken I am, my Husband was in a coma so how much comfort he received will never know, so sorry for your loss, and yes was bittersweet to be with him but begged for over 12 hours for him to not leave me. held his hand rubbed his arm and wondered how anything could ever be so cruel. the unfairness of not being able to say good-bye must be unbearable, no words can ever be of any comfort to you. but please do not be angry at anyone.

I too lost my husband recently. He was 56. We had been married 30 years and have no children. I don't know how to live life without him. I am in bits..... Every day, every corner, every room, every drive into town, every restaurant ....memory after memory comes flooding back. I feel so lost.... I know how you feel.
Trishka. I

My husband died on April 27, 2014 and I've been feeling very lonely ever since. I believe that my pain will never goes away. It will be like a deep scar for the rest of my life. He also died suddenly of a massive heart attack and he died in my arms, although on the death certificate says he died at the hospital but I know that he was gone when he suffered the heart attack at Walmart on Flemington. I saw his eyes were still and when the paramedics arrived they tried everything, but my husband didn't respond at all, so they took him to the emergency room at Hunterdon Medical Center in Flemington, NJ. I've been missing him 24/7 and once in a while I get the flash back, but not the way he was last seen, but the way he used to be when he was younger. I remember when he was driving everywhere, answering the phones, going to solve problems, cutting grass, and all of sudden, I could see how he was deteriorating day by day till the day he died. He was around 80 when I married him and I was 41 years old at the time; today I am 57 years old and feeling as if I were a fish out of water without him. He was 95 years old, but I still thinking that he could be a little longer with me.

It is now May of 2014. I don't know if any of the original people still check out this site, but my husband died in January of 2011 after 9 years of cancer and over 20 years of soul ties... I don't know why it's hard to feel comfort about him! Probably because we always thought that after all the care-giving, I'd have a comforting dream or something if he went before me --but instead I had a dream of our deceased family dog!? I haven't moved on because I never got to adjust. Our teen didn't allow me to grieve, as watching the family tapes made him angry... Still, I'm trying to have faith that I could see him in Heaven... After a difficult childhood,my husband was the only one who ALWAYS called me his "angel," or his"beautiful, beautiful wife." Not hearing things like that--ever--gets to be too much these days...<br />
I wonder where a everyone else here is...

Is anyone else in my"boat"

had horrid childhood also, every morning my 55 year old husband said to his 61 year old wife good morning gorgeous, miss his voice his arms his touch, need him so much. don't know about heaven but my time on earth of 25 years was glorious with him, don't let others take away a second of the love you had, sorry for the negative in your life

I lost my husband too. we'd been together since we were 13 and 14 yrs. old, It is 11 months today and I know just how you feel, my sons just tell me to quit crying, I feel so alone. I also have stopped believing in God, we all prayed for him to survive over the 2 weeks he was on a ventilator, God let me down and I am so angry. I had my 50th birthday while he was dying. The last 11 months have been a blur, I feel numb. I cope during the day because I have to work, I am a nurse and have to take care of my patients. At night I hate to go to bed because I fall into the deep hole we call grief and cry myself to sleep. You have to be strong, even if you died, there is no guarantee you will be with him, you need to stay with the living, hopefully we will both feel better with time. All the best to you.

So sorry for your loss! I just lost my husband 8 months ago of a Cardiac Arrest, we were married 38 years , have two children, and 5 grandchildren. I also feel your pain and numbness, and sometimes others just don't know what your are trully going through. I cry my self to sleep, I too almost gave up on life, but we as humans, we are weak on the earth , God Loaned us to our parents , He is the FATHER and HE Calls us Home, His Home.....Right now I don't Know His Plan for me..... I can't go to my house and stay . I am staying with my daughter and three grandchildren, not sure yet on life for me so many changes and don't know how to accept them... I just joined so I am new to this, and i realize it was in 2010 you lost your soul mate, he will forever be with you in your heart and mind.... nm widow

sorry for your loss, I lost my husband April 28 2013 so the 1 year anniversary is coming up, I thought by this point I'd of felt better but I don't. For some reason I thought by 1 year I'd feel almost normal again but I don't. I find I get lonely by myself and can't seem to imagine living the rest of my days without him. It all seems like a big mistake, like I'll wake up from a long dream. I'm glad to see that you have the support of family. If it weren't for my parents I don't think I'd have made it this far. My Dad drove me back and forth to the hospital an hour each way those two weeks I husband was in ICU and stayed right by my side when It took 5 hrs for my husband to pass away after taking his breathing tube out, the doctor said he's live about 1 hour, that was the worst 5 hrs of my life. That is what I have nightmares about. My husband was my soulmate, it sounds like your husband was yours also. Let's hope time does heal us, I hope you will feel better soon!

So sorry, i mis read the year!.....
Thank you for writing me back, all these people are reaching out because we are all lost in the Grief we are going thru.
we see all the things we are going through are almost the same. different people , different times in grief, but still so much in common. my heart feels for everyone..... nmwidow

you are right, it doesn't matter where we are from, if we are rich ,poor ,fat, thin ,black, white etc. all of us seem to grief so much the same, it seems to be the same thing that unites us as humans. I wish there was an easy way to go through grief. If we could figure it out, we could help a lot of people, couldn't we?

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Lost the love of my life last week after 16 years together. He was so healthy and died so unexpectedly from a cardiac arrest. I'm so scared and sad and been talking to people about my pain in a vain attempt that someone would have a miracle solution that would heal me. But all the words and sympathy are so empty and meaningless. It's not going to bring my husband back. I don't believe in hope and faith and God anymore. I had prayed to God to save his life but he abandoned me. Now I know for sure God does not exist. And hope is rubbish too. I just wish I could find someone to talk to... someone who can understand. I'm just counting the days until I die. Every day passes by so agonisingly slowly. And after each day that's gone by, I try to reassure myself that it is one day lesser in my life... one day closer to death. But what if I have 30 or 40 or more years to live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't live that long!!! I am 32 and I hope my life is very, very, very short. I love you so much R. Why did you leave me after you promised forever with me? Why could we not have died together? Now what do I do? What should I do with myself?

TishaGun, I also felt exactly the way you do now after I lost my husband. I know it's hard for you to believe right now, but YOU WILL FEEL BETTER as time goes on!! I was on the verge of suicide for quite a while, but now that I'm almost 4 years out, I don't have those thoughts so much anymore. I also thought about how many more years I would have to spend on this earth without my beloved husband and I really didn't think I was going to survive intact. It will happen gradually, but you will find yourself and you will make a life for yourself. It will be different than the life you knew with your loved one - it may not be as good or as satisfying, but you will live your life the best way you can. Your loved one would not want you to be unhappy - he would want you to make him proud of the life you will build for yourself. Be kind to yourself - allow yourself to feel and express those feelings - let them out - don't worry about what others think - you are grieving! Let others help you - lean on them, let them do things for you, let them cry with you. If you want to be alone, tell them so - grieving is hard work - devote time to it - allow yourself to cry, scream, wail - it will make you feel better. Don't forget that your loved one is still a part of your life - you are still in a relationship with him - it's just different now. Of course you miss him, but know that he is present in your life in all the things you say and do and feel and he always will be.

It's a month since my husband of 16 yrs passed away suddenly... 5 days after being released from the hospital. Every day is a pain. I cry every day and some days I just feel like I want to tear myself to pieces. We were completely devoted to each other and it is hard trying to comprehend that he is not here. All the little things we enjoyed doing together.... our every day phone calls and text messages to each other.... just hearing his voice saying "hey kid"... I used to call him "my viking" and he was everything to me. Life without him is just not the same. I'm feeling broken inside.

My husband of 44 yrs died July 18th 2013 ,we got married when I was 15 he was 17 he was here on Friday and gone the next Thursday . It'll be 8mos tomorrow and I still don't know what to do by myself.He was my everything.Everyone says it'll get easier but I don't know if that will ever happen,I go to work everyday but am so heart broken everyday on the drive home knowing no ones there.Its hard to live alone after all these years,I don't know what to do with myself

Why dont you make friends and make time for them. Or join a YWCA for women to swim and interact. Im taking my mom to Y she loves it.

My husband died on Valentine's day four days ago I loved him so much he was my whole world we have three small children and my whole life is gone when he left me I left with hI'm I'm lost scared mad and miss him my world has ended

My husband died on October 3,2013, He was 37, He was in an auto accident had a failed surgery, then a failed surgery to repair the first failed surgery. He never recovered or even was able to walk unassisted again. I found him outside dead he had fallen off the porch and died, he was trying to go outside unassisted to smoke a cigarette. We have an 11 and 12 year old, I just live a day at a time I hate being alone and I'm still so numb it all seems surreal. The coroner ruled he had died from injuries sustained in the auto accident. I had prayed for god to take away his pain I just didn't expect him to answer my prayers in that fashion, I'm not mad at god I think my husband was in extreme pain and the doctors didn't seem to know how to control it, maybe death was his only escape, he looked more at peace when I found him than I had ever seen him. As much as I loved and miss him I would not want him to have to be here like he was. He was my knight in Shinning amour and always will be.

My husband died after a cardiac arrest playing football two weeks ago and a year after our wedding. I don't know how I will live without him and I am tormented by not being able to say goodbye. Everything I'm reading of other experiences doesn't suggest that the healing process is very quick. I have lost a wonderful man, my lovely life and I feel cheated out of my future. But I know that there are other people suffering as I am .

I lost my handsome cowboy & love of my life to tonsil/liver cancer. Not only did I lose him, our male Aussie died 6 week later,had to sell our horses,ranch,equipment and most of our furniture. I had to drive our gooseneck back to the N.W. from AZ w/ what I had left & then sold the horse trailer too. I kept his pickup truck. It reminds me of him and I feel close to him when I drive it. I scattered his ashes and hair from our dog at the base of the cascades where we used to camp w/ the horses. I've truly lost everything but try to thank God daily for my blessings. I sold everything at a lose but what I do have I'm greatful for. I cry daily and don't want to go on.

go on, I hope you still are, new to this site but you must go on why for him, that is what I just asked and told myself several minutes ago, don't know what I am doing here, trying to look after his dog, we rent a tiny cottage and daily I try to sell things just so I can stay near him. and do wonder why bothering. but will know when I am done and go from there wherever there is. try to honor his memory and love of life but harder some days than others. so grateful that I had the love of my life just wished it could have lasted. sympathy and empathy to everyone but lets face it this sucks......

I feel so empty. My husband died almost three weeks ago. Now I will have to get through New Years without him. Trying to stay strong for my three young children, but I feel so weak without him. He is the love of my life and the other half of me. Now I am broken.

Sorry for your loss. Remember to put God first let him lead and guide you and give you strength. Join a support group or spend time alone with friends. Your children need you to be strong and keep them busy. In return theyll keep you busy and youll see your husband one day.

I don't know how long it as been since your husband died but it has been almost 4 years for me. We like you created our worlds around each other. I still miss him. Everyday I think of him and mourn for him. I love him so much. I don't know if it ever gets better. Not what you want to hear I am sure but we share the same grief and love for our departed. I just try to depend on God to get me through. IT IS HARD.

I know what you are going thru since I lost my precious wife of 47 years just one month ago on October 29th to cancer. Hang in there God is not done with us yet. Remember He has a plan for all those that belong to Him and loves Him.

How are you doing now?

My husband died September 2013. I am still having a difficult time even though I see a grief counselor every two weeks. Some days I wakr up sad and sometimes get sad as the day goes on

so sorry for your Loss, I too lost my husband of 38 years on Aug 6,2013 of a Cardiac Arrest and was numb and in disbelief and angry and blaming my self , I too am very lost.... not sure what is in store for me..... my heart goes out to all of you that have lost your soul mate and love of your life... nmwidow

Nanny 03 I pray God is with you and takes away your pain
friends and family is your support. Allow them in and allow Gods spirit to lift you until you see your love again.

Life is nothing but pain and is God the manipulator watching us suffer? I just watched my husband suffer and die with no good reason. I want my husband back too, right now because I can't keep walking this desolate road without him. Does God really love us more than his own son's life? Is all religion just a projection of our own boundless imaginations when we realise we're mortal and might need some support from someone immortal? Maybe like an invincible Superman. Who knows? It's impossible to accept without question what has just happened to my husband and to expect blind faith on my part. If we have the capacity to love and sacrifice doesn't that make us worthy of God's good graces? Someone out there may have an answer because I certainly don't and I can't see that life will become any better now I've lost my best friend, lover and husband.

I agree wholeheartedly with what you said. I am so angry that God took away a very good man who happened to be my best friend, liver and husband of 30 years. I might have another 30 years ahead of me and I'm just waiting to die so that I can be with him again. I've lost my faith as I prayed so hard.... Trishka

I write this to you Rich. You left me and the kids on September 7th 2013 without saying good bye. Im sorry for every time i was impatient, rude, or just mean to you. I will never hear you call me punkin again. Why? I walk around barely here. I dont want to die but living seems to hard right now. I love you more.

i lost my best friend, my lover, my soul mate on June 3rd,2013, he was my best friend and my best soul mate ever what do i do?

I lost my fiance of 7 yrs and love of my life to a massive heart attack on 8/17. I found him when I got home from working overtime on a Sat. I have never been so traumatized and I keep going back to the question, "could I have saved him if I'd been home or arrived home earlier?" The autopsy revealed that "no" I couldn't have, but it haunts me everyday. Everything reminds me if him. I feel empty inside. I miss him so much. I feel as if I'll never be happy again. He was my 2nd chance at love and he loved me unconditionally. Everyday is a challenge to get through...

My husband died on 8/13/13. He died on a mountain in New Mexico on a boyscout camping trip with my 13 year old son. My heart is broken and I am lost without him.

Can someone explain me. After the love of your life has died its know been eight months how do u go on without feeling so numb

Sorry to hear about your hubby. It beeb 6months since my hubby diefd. I feel same way. Angry w god for taking the love of my life from me. Not sure how to go on with him

My husband died July 27, 2013. I miss him so much I don't think I can go on. I put on a brave face when my grown children are around. I don't want them to worry. But alone at my house I simply fall apart. I keep thinking he'll be home soon. I can't believe I'll never see him again.

I cant believe i will never see him again.

I feel the same, my husband died Aug 6th,2013 of a cardiac arrest and i can't seem to go back to our home and live by myself, I hate being with our my love of my life , we did everthing together, to try to stay strong so people at work and home or church don't think your just a big cry baby...................... they just don't understand. my heart goes out to you. nmwidow

I AM SO SORRY FOR YOU LOSS,KEEP FAITH AND GOD IN YOUR HEART.

I lost my husband on 12/21/12, the day after our 20th anniversary. He had Hep C and died of liver failure. I'm sorry, I'm having a very bad day today. If it wasn't for my son I just want to die so I could be with him. I keep very busy with friends and hobbies, and I have some very good days, but ultimately it's just some fun times being strung together but I'm not happy. Oh God please help me. I'm very sorry for everyone on here who is suffering. I'll keep you in my prayers.....dara

I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS,KEEP GOD AND FAITH IN YOUR HEART.

Its not easy. Go to work like everthings ok. Then i cry all way home. Hoping my love will b there waiting for me but when i get home h
Es not there. Very lonely sad

I lost my brother to Hepatitis C on 12/02/98. Although it wasn\'t my spouse, the loss hit me just as tremendously. Here I am almost 15 years later and I can honestly tell you and all the other people who shared their stories that it takes years, not months, to begin to accept the loss and to find some semblance of happiness in life again. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

my husband also died of liver failure. It was terrible watching it and being unable to do anything to save him. Looks like a lot of people are also suffering just like me. There will be good days and not good days I guess and I suspect that will continue forever. Its hard to imagine being able to heal and go on or be happy but I try to remember my husband would want me to do my best so that is what I do. Its a struggle every day. I will say a prayer every night now for all of us.

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