I'm moving down south tommorow. he doesn't even know i am leaving the state. he knows i am not with him. but all of my clothes are still there. i know he thinks i will be back because i always come back but not this time. my flight is booked. i really wanted us to work. i really wanted to see him grow and shine but everytime we take two steps forward we take a step back. so we are always stuck in the same cycle. i know he is crushed because he really wanted me to believe he would do better. and i do kind of believe it but i am scared what will happen a few months from now. he doesn't stick with him promises and that kills me. i don't even think he can. he needs help and he was finally willing to get it but he wanted me to live with him so that we could go together. i would have done it because he finally was going to go to therapy but then i rememebered how many times he has snapped and hit me and i said he needs to get help before i come back. he needs me i know but i have to protect myself.


I miss him though. i miss his smile, his laugh, his handsome face. the fun we had, the way he made me feel when we were happy.

goldie25 goldie25
31-35, F
4 Responses Mar 28, 2008

goldie, You are making the right moves here, I think. Stay strong, ok?<br />
<br />
I've been thinking of you a lot, and I am glad to see this story posted and that you have actually left. <br />
<br />
Prayers are with you.<br />
<br />

i'm down here now. i called him in the airport and he was crushed. he still wanted to try. he still wants to try now. i wish i could get in a car and drive all the way back to new york. he said he will hold down the bills. he said he will go to therapy he just wants me back. and i believe it has finally sinked in now. but i can't go back right now even if i wanted to.

I know its hard, but you're doing the right thing. When you start missing how he made you feel when you were happy, just remember how awful he can make you feel when things are bad. You deserve better!

Good luck to you sweetheart, I know from experience how hard it is to get out of an abusive relationship and you are a very strong woman for leaving before it gets to bad. I know it is hard because you love them, but YOU are more important. Good luck, keep your head up and stay strong. God Bless.