I Just Love Him So Much

There seem to be a lot of different stories on this page, and after seeing the stories from widows/widowers, I almost feel like mine can't really match up, but here it is. The first year of our marriage, my husband was deployed. It was very hard on us, and I missed him so much. I was depressed constantly and almost hated waking up for anything other than to talk to him. Now that he's home, I feel like I'm desperately filled with fear of his being gone again all the time and it makes me miss him even more when he's at work. He works long hours, leaves early in the morning, and often has to work late. I know he misses me too, but I just feel like I can barely function without him around. When he's home, life feels amazing, but when he's at work, I miss him so desperately, it's like I can actually feel the distance between us and it hurts.

I often keep him up later than I should, knowing that he'll have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning to get ready for work, simply because I've missed him so much during the day and crave more time with him. It's selfish, I know, and I try not to do that, but I just really wish he didn't work so much. He's taking a vacation in the upcoming weeks, and I know we're going to really enjoy it, but he's just going to go right back to working again as soon as it's over.

I'm so, so proud of him for having such a prestigious position and for being trusted with so many important responsibilities, but I just wish they'd let up on him sometimes and let him come home at a decent time. He asked for another worker to be assigned to help him, but they won't give him anyone. It also doesn't help that he's such a perfectionist. I just hate having to miss him for almost 3/4 of my day every day, it's really discouraging. I just love him so much, I don't know how not to miss him so very much when he's only 20 minutes down the road. I simply enjoy his company and wish I got more of it.