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My Husband Was And Is The Love Of My Life

On May 15th it will be three years from the day Tom died.
No matter what I do I can't imagine life without Tom.
We met when we were teenagers.
We really saved each other from traumatic events we both had been through.
We were together for 47 years.
We have four incredible daughters and 7 almost 8 grandchildren.
We started out poor and with nothing
we always supported our children in activites
Tom got sober in AA at 30 years old and we lived 34 wonderful years in recovery
Tom gave so much to me and our family He gave so much in life
He was at World trade center clean up
In 2008 he was diagnosed with lung cancer
He had surgery and chemotherapy and went through so much in that year.
One year later the day before my birthday he died.
I have done so much to try to understand and accept this.
I have had much support.
Therapy friends grief groups I went away for 2 weeks for an intense therapeutic program
I try to keep my children from knowing how much I miss I dont want them to worry about me
As this third anniversary approaches I am so sad.
I miss Tom I miss holding his hand, looking in his eyes talking with him sleeping next to him.
I want him It does'nt seem fair
Susan
susanpayne susanpayne 61-65, F 4 Responses May 6, 2012

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The reality is that it's not fair, but he didnt leave you alone, he left you with wonderful memories. I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling inside, but know that God is near the broken hearted. <3

God bless you and give your precious heart peace. I can't imagine.

You couldn't have said it better. I feel that to, so close in spirit but then, dare it, that isn't enough, I want him here. Are you still in recovery? I meet Mike in a CoDA meeting, as I was going to Al-Anon and CoDA at the time. Didn't have a drinking problem until Mike died. Now, I have been going to AA, seeing all his friends are wonderful but I am not sure I have committed to AA completely. Was it hard for you after you husbands death to stay sober? I believe I have some anger at my higher power for having my husband suffer so, a man so dedicated to God's work. And I am one of those people that don't like to have anger, try to look on the good side of things. but....Just wondering how you have been dealing with that. And I know you must get a great deal of support from the AA people. It was hard for me to communicate with alot of his AA friends for the 1st year, I guess it was hard to communicate with almost anyone. I want to isolate. Getting better at though. How about you?

I am coming up on the second year without my husband. We fought his cancer for 5 years. He was only 56 when he died. He had 27 years in AA (sober). Our stories are very much the same, except we had 21 years together and we did not have children. But everything else is so close. He was my best friend and did so much for me and others. The program was so much a part of our lives. We were true partners in life. I have been doing everything to try to move forward like you, therapy, groups, etc. Sometimes I think I am starting to get better and then I fall back. Just know there is someone out there feeling what you are feeling.

Hi Thank you for replying. It sounds like we do have alot in common. There are times I feel so lose to Tom in Spirit. There are other times I just want him here. It is good to know someone feeling theLove I feel