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My Heart Is Broken

11 WEEKS AGO TONIGHT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, THE FATHER OF MY TWO KIDS, THE MAN THAT MADE ME COMPLETE, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND THE MAN THAT ALWAIYS SPOILED ME LEFT ME.
MY HEART IS BROKEN, OUR KIDS HEARTS ARE BROKEN. IKEEP THINKING HE WILL WALK IN THE DOOR ANYTIME NOW, OR I'LL PICKUP THE PHONE TO CALL HIM TO TELL HIM SOMETHING AND THEN IT HITS ME THAT I CAN'T TALK TO HIM, HE'S NOT GOING TO WALK THRU THAT DOOR AGAIN. I WISH I COULD UNDERSTAND WHY HE HAD TO LEAVE US. I MISS HIM SO MUCH, ALL I DO IS CRY. I TALKED TO HIM AND 2 1/2 HRS LATER HE WAS GONE, HE WAS A TRUCK DRIVER AND THEY DIDN'T FIND HIM UNTIL THE NEXT AFTERNOON. THEY TELL ME HE LAID DOWN IN THE SLEEPER OF HIS TRUCK AND WENT TO SLEEP AND JUST DIDN'T WAKE UP, HE HAD NOT BEEN SICK WAS NOT OVERWEIGHT TO LOOK AT HIM HE LOOKED HEALTHY BUT THEY SAY HE DIED OF "NATURAL CAUSES". HOW DOES A SEEMINGLY HEALTHY 55 YR OLD DIE OF NATURAL CAUSES 4 DAYS BEFORE HIS 56 BIRTHDAY? WE HAD JUST CELEBRATED OUR 30TH ANNIVERSARY2 MONTHS BEFORE. HOW DO I GO ON? HOW DO I MAKE IT WITHOUT HIM? I CRY AS I AM WRITING THIS, SOMETIMES I CAN GO AN HOUR OR TWO WITHOUT CRYING IF I'M NOT BY MYSELF, BUT THE REST OF THE TIME THE TEARS JUST WON'T STOP. I AM THANKFUL HE GAVE ME TWO OF THE BEST KIDS A MOTHER COULD EVER ASK FOR. I LOVE HIM AND I MISS HIM. THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT, I MISS HIM SO MUCH AND I AM JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WITHOUT MY LOVE.
wolfssunrise wolfssunrise 51-55 2 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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Hey hang in there. Makes me realize at least me and me duahgter had some warnin, an we always say that. Mine has been gone since ontober nrom brain cancer. but at least we had some warning, the doc kin d ofalluded to it no he just said it but we didnt eliee it unitl four days before it happend, becuase thre sint mu;ch warning with the brain stem. Ims o sorry and with kids its just plaind hard. YOu will make it.you will. GIve yourself ftime. Im three moths out, itsn not gettin geasier but things are making alittle more sense now. Cry all you want. IT isnt fair and its just not ok. Ok. Also a grief and loss supoport group if you can find oune that isnt all old widows and stuff, not theat thier grief isnt relevant but with you ening relativelhy yong i think and with kids there its relaly differernt. Mu duahter is only in nith grade and she was thirteen whn her ad su;ddenly had a seizre and we thought he died right there. Then ti supposedly wasnt brain cacer and then it was and the wen went torugh hellwith surgery and rehab and then it somebs back and he dies. NOt fair, But not a bad a s toatll no warning,. That is more traumatic and ic an feel for you as we though that was what had happend right here in the nouse the ifrst time aroudna and i had ptsd for two months fro m it. So get some consceling if you arent, you are ocmpletley normal how you feel. My husband was also exaclty 55 died on his 55th birhdayt. This is why i respoind too. its not hyou ng or old, if hye was like mone you were in the prime of your lives, really, especaillhyh if he was a late bnloomer like moine (we were older parent obvilusly ) well hang in there and rea my blog called i survived three months of this, i think its called. You ang in there. Just cry right now if you must and take care of those kids.!!

Dear wolfssunrise,
My heart breaks as I read your story. I watched a close friend go through a similar situation, it was so hard for me as her friend, as well as a lot of the family because we couldnt begin to understand what was going on in her mind and heart. I encourage you to seek couseling, and maybe a group of women who can empathize with you and give you some advice, or even just an ear... or a shoulder to cry on. Praying for you tonight!