All Alone

Wow I dont know where to start i read all the stories and they are all about teir usbands in te service.My husband went to prision.I have been with him for 5 years and we werent even married a month before he got in trouble.I avent seen im in two months and I get to go see him in two days.Now I know I sould be excited but i am freaking out.Alot has appened in our relationship good and bad.Lately has been upset which is understandable even told me he didnt want to be with me anymore.Then took it back.I wont tell you what e said,but e as been apologizing for it ever since.I dont fell he should have ever said it for any reason.I love im very very much and e is and as been my life for a very long time.Now I am all alone.No family around me just new friends I made after he left.They all tell me to leave im and try to get me to go out partying everynight.I do sometimes and I have fun and then feel bad because i cant tell him.I miss my usband because he is gone and he isnt the same anymore,and I have to wait about 2 years before I have im back if I get too.Maybe even longer than that.I tried to prepare myself and I keep trying too.This is soooo much harder ten I ever thougt it was going to be.Everyday kills me and I am totally miserable.With no end in sight and lack of hope thanks to fighting it makes it even harder.How do you be apart from the person you love always fighting and stay in love is it possible.He told me once i have never given up on us before and I have gotten us through so much and to not give up now,but how do you keep figting for something when it feels like your all out of do you keep hoping for someting wen you ave no hope.When I lost my husband whic it feels like I did I lost a big part of who I was who I am.Where did my hope go?Did I really lose it or am I just scared?Scared that I am not strong enough to do this when I thought I was.Im so confused and so lost.I go to sleep alone in our bed in our home for the first time.ow can you be without someting you never thougt you would be without for any amount of time.I wish I was stronger I wish I was better.Mostly i wish he never screwed up so bad and did this to us.Im starting to hate this so much everyday gets harder.Am I feeling all this because I truely love him or am I feeling tis because maybe i dont.Im so torn and sad and confused and hurt.Mad at im for leaving me.

sorry my h button is broke and does not work all the time

ineedaname ineedaname
22-25, F
1 Response Jun 4, 2007

It doesn't matter why your husband isn't with you, it will hurt to lose the love of your life. I have been married for almost five years and yes my husband is gone with the military. But I feel the pain you are feeling, the questions that you are having are natural with what you are going through. I mean there have been so many changes for you and him, he is gone and you are alone. He has told you to leave him then taken it back, some Military men do that too. The reasons may be different but they do it. No i haven't been told that but i know women that have. Having friends that don't understand because they are not going through what you are is hard. They don't know what it is like to feel the tug awar with your heart. In the end the only one's that can make or break your marriage is you. You are the one that can take the next step what ever you want that to be. I hope that you are able to have a good visit and time with your husband. If you want to chat just let me know i'm here for anyone that is going through the pain of not having their husband with them! <br />
Take care and try and have a happy!