No RegretsMy mom was a rock. Her tolerance to pain was so high that she even gave birth to us her first 3 children naturally without any anesthesia. It hurt me so much to see her in pain during her last few days battling cancer. So it was easy to let go because at least she was freed from all pain. But I still miss her terribly.
Our relationship was not something like a close mother and daughter would have. She barely showed her feelings. Sometimes when you want to hug her, she'd pull you away and tell you to stop the drama. Once she was away for long and we siblings terribly missed her. When she called, she did not even ask how we were but only asked if we were feeding her fish. We wanted to say that the fish are being fed well but we are the ones who have no food. But the line was cut. Many times she would also tell me how fat I was and I'd get hurt inside but I never tell her. I just cried secretly. Yet, I love her very much.
She singlehandedly raised 5 children by herself when my father died. When my father died, I had lots of regrets and promised myself that I wouldn't have the same regrets with my mom. So I tried to never make her angry or upset. I never answered back.
I was able to tell her I love her, though she already seemed delusional when I did. Because she would tell me to stop the drama if she was well. I was able to treat her to the vacation of her life at the beach, only the two of us, 5 months before she died. I had been a good student, a good daughter, as far as I'm concerned. Most importantly, I was able to say goodbye. Some things I regretted not doing when my father was alive.
It is true that you only find the value of a person when they are gone. So before my mother died, I knew this and truly valued every moment I had with her... even if our only form of bonding was watching TV together.
For those of you who still have your parents, cherish every moment with them and avoid doing things that you know you'll regret when they're gone. That's what I did with my mom. No regrets.
PrInCeSsLiLo 31-35, F 2 Responses 1 Dec 29, 2011