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I Miss My Mom My Angel

It seems just like yesterday I talked to my mom on the phone. she always called me everyday at 9:00 am 12:00 pm and an hour before I always went into work. January 13 2013 at 4:45 am my life changed forever. My mother passed away. Me and my boyfriend were heading up to Kentucky to see my mom on Dec 22 2012 we had left in Memphis at 5:00 in the morning and hoping to arrive in KY around 12 or 1:00 pm. After we hit Nashville I had an urge to call mom and there was no answer I didnt think of it as no big deal I knew she was probably busy and she was cooking a huge christmas dinner for me and brandon my boyfriend so I thought Ill just call her back later.An hour passes and I call again this time my sister answers the phone and says I cant talk right now I said why she said mom wouldnt wake up from her nap she had layed down from a headache and I couldnt wake her up I called 911 they came and got mom and took her to the closest hospital, she told me to get there as soon as possible. My boyfriend drove like a maniac just to get me there to my mom it felt like the longest ride I ever had I wanted to get there soo bad. After arriving at the hospital I saw my sister who i havent seen in a year besides Skype we used that all the time I even used it with mom almost every day just so she would see how I was doing. My sister said Natalie mom suffered from a brain stem stroke and its a really bad one, mom hasnt woke up yet and the doctor said she might not wake up. I stayed in Ky for at least a couple of days before I had to go back to work down In memphis.I remember seeing my mom on that bed just laying there I talked to her and cried I dont know if she heard me but I did see her fingers move a little. That gave me some little hope left that maybe my mom would survive this and she will be ok she will recover and be 100% again but I was wrong soo wrong. I never had soo much hope in my life I prayed every second of the day I prayed so hard that my hands sometimes would be so red from holding my hands together to tight I actually thought that god would let her stay and let her pull thru this but the life I prayed for for mom didnt happen. For about 24 days later on January 13 2013 thats when I got the call at 4 am saying from my sister natalie Mom has gone to heaven to be with god. I was soo mad at god for taking my mom the only good thing in my life that made me feel whole and alive he took it away. I dont know who that person was the day i got the news that my mom passed away my whole life changed I so hate when people say they know what your going thru and they say they lost an uncle or an aunt thats not the same thing I LOST MY MOTHER a woman who carried me in her womb for 9 months who fed, clothed and took care of me all those years. MY BEST FRIEND MY MOTHER when you lose your mom that is not the same as losing an aunt or an uncle your mother is more closer to your heart you have a special attachment with her its completely a differant thing. Some people just dont get it, I never got to hug my mom like i wanted to when I planned my visit for her in December. She was the light of my life my best friend and I miss her every day. I remember before I got the phone call that mom passed away I felt my bedroom get cold and I felt a little slight touch on my shoulder and some of my hair kind of blew to the side and I started smelling my mom all over me I thought I was dreaming until brandon who was next to me said natalie what was that? I said I think that was my mom to pay a visit to me her final visit and thats exactly what it was. My mom was saying goodbye to me she was letting me know that she had moved on to another place a place they call Heaven I wanted to be happy for her but I wanted to be selfish and not let her go. I felt like I must have done something wrong in order to deserve this and this was my punishment I think that every day I just dont know what I did I had the best mom ever I loved her to death she was my everything she was always there for me always called me and she never ever abandoned me in any way. She was A wonderful beautiful mother who I admire soo much and I hope one day Ill be the same to my child when I have one. Losing my mom at 23 years old I shake my head life isnt fair but thats how the game of life is played and when the cards are dealt thats just the way it is you cant always have your way. My mom will miss out on her future grand babies, she will miss out on my wedding day when me and brandon walk down that aisle hand in hand She wanted me to have a baby so bad thats all she ever talked about and i wished I could have given her that before she passed away, but she was gone to soon. My sister buried her in the necklace and earrring set I had got mom for christmas she looked soo beautiful and peaceful at her funeral. She was an angel and I feel her every day and I miss her every day. My love for her is more stronger than it has ever been mom held on as long as she could and she didnt suffer she died in a peaceful way in her sleep. I know she is watching down on me I wont get over it Ill just get thru it because you never get over it You never really heal you just learn to accept it and how your life will be differant without her. The process of getting thru the passing of my mom is the hardest thing I have EVER had to deal with but I know that thru the power of god and the strength that he has given me thru this difficult time that he will help me become stronger and help me stand straight and become a warrior and go forward with my life and continue as if my mom was still here. One thing I must not do IS GIVE UP i cant give up I promised my mom that I would never give up that I will keep going and going until its my time to go and I honestly can not wait to see my mom who is now my angel my guardian angel I cant wait to see her again some day she is waiting for me and Im waiting for my wings to be granted to me when its my time.R.I.P momma I love and miss you soo much. ;(
HoneyBunny22 HoneyBunny22 22-25, F 2 Responses May 3, 2013

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what it is to lose your mother (aka your everything). I lost mine just two months ago while I was 17.5 weeks pregnant (now I am 26 weeks) with my second child at 21 yrs of age. At least your mother didn't suffer when she passed away. Mines was battling with breast cancer since 2007 and she was already at the end stage and she suffered so much. I watched her take her last 3 breaths in front of me and then she passed away. It feels as just yesterday she died right in front of my eyes. I know this year's Mother's Day 2013 must have been very difficult for you just as it was for me. At least you have a sister you speak to. I am an only child and my father passed away when I was a year old and now my mother at 21 yrs old (& she was 45). I had no one but my mother as my father and everything. No aunts, uncles, cousins, nor any other family members. Sighs. It's extremely hard but just know that your not alone. At least our moms are in a better place next to God. A place where there is peace and stress free. They are watching over us and are our guardian angels.

Im so sorry for your loss it must be extrememly hard knowing that she wont get to meet your beautiful baby but she will be from Heaven. Thank You for sharing me with me it makes me feel great that my mom did not suffer and that im not the only one thanks soo much :)

I really do understand as I lost my mom too. She was my best friend, my everything, and life is so lonely now without her. ((Hugs))

Im so sorry to hear that thanks for the hug Im giving you one right back. So so sorry for your loss. :)