February 25th, Happy Birthday Ma

I am brand new to this site and never "blogged" until today.  I googled to try and find similar people who have lost their moms and brought me here..  It has been 4 years since my Mom passed away, and it never gets easy.  The last 3 years on her birthday, I was ok, but now that I am not working I have more time to think about her.  I want to do something to remember her...I feel the need to cry SO BAD, but the tears won't come.  I miss her very much.  I live in Maryland, but her ashes are in Queens, NY.  I wish  can go and visit and lay flowers...I feel lost......

hollyluya1213 hollyluya1213
41-45, F
6 Responses Feb 25, 2010

Hi m new at dis site- I just need to talk to someone who will understand my pain, loneliness, frustration, anger and the hurt m feeling right now- I lost my mom last year in March- and today is her birthday- ever since from de begining of this month I have been crying when I think about her- now its worse- I want 2do something 4her but m clueless on what I can do- when I think of de things she used to love, her favorite dish- I just can't help myself- I want 2sleep 4 few days without waking up. She was one of the best any child could ask 4- not only 2her children but 2any kid- she loved unconditionally

Hi m new at dis site- I just need to talk to someone who will understand my pain, loneliness, frustration, anger and the hurt m feeling right now- I lost my mom last year in March- and today is her birthday- ever since from de begining of this month I have been crying when I think about her- now its worse- I want 2do something 4her but m clueless on what I can do- when I think of de things she used to love, her favorite dish- I just can't help myself- I want 2sleep 4 few days without waking up. She was one of the best any child could ask 4- not only 2her children but 2any kid- she loved unconditionally

I know how you feel, today is my mom's 83rd birthday and this is the 2nd birthday we are celebrating without her. I can relate to your feelings of want to cry but for me there is no tears left, I have cried so much for the last 2yrs. I miss that woman so much, she was so awesome. I will keep you in my prayers.

My mom passed away on January 23, 2010, she was 51. I still can't believe she is gone. She battled a long illness that sadly took her from us. In the end, a stroke put her in the hospital and a brain infection got the best of her. The stroke left her unable to walk or talk. It was so hard to see her like that. She was a very indpendent woman. She was also a RN, so I am sure it was hard for her to be taken care of, when she was used to taking care of people. I feel like I didn't get closure with her, since she was unable to talk. There were times that she would try to talk to us, but she couldn't get the words out right and she would get frustrated and cry. That broke my heart to see, and it makes me tear up to even type about it. It is hard for me sometimes to not be mad about the situation. I know it is something that I have to accept but it is so hard. I think about her everyday. I have dreamt about her a couple times, and I am so thankful to have those dreams. I miss her so much, that sometimes I just can't stand it. My mom and I were very, very close. She was my best friend. I feel like a piece of me died that day with her. Is this normal? Will this void ever be filled? I am only 28. My mother will never be able to see me get married or meet her grandchildren, and that kills me. I know that she will always be with me in spirit, but still. Sometimes I feel like it is all just a dream, and that I will wake up and she will be alive. After she had passed, my step-dad found pictures throughout the house that she had left for him. These pictures had letters to him. One of them said, "if you find this I am sure I will be gone. I love you very much." I was so thankful that he found those. There are also a few other things that happened that really shocked us. <br />
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I know how you feel. The pain is real, and it is very hard. I am hoping that through this site, that I might be able to heal.

Thank you so much, and yes you did help. Your kind words and understanding means a lot. It's nice to know that at times of lonlieness, there is always someone that understands. I am sorry for your loss as well. Thank you again for taking the time to write to me!!

i'm so sorry - i don't know what to say.....i wish i could...i guess i just logged onto this site again now because i too am feeling lost...i lost my mum in may 2009 and i still think she's here - i just haven't spoken to her in a while - and i really need to right now...<br />
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it's hard to read/hear from people that after all this time (four years in your case) you still feel the pain....i don't want to feel like this forever either but there are a lot of people out there with similar feelings to you after the same amount of time...i get more nervous when i hear that.....<br />
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but if you need to cry - then cry....the tears are there and you are crying, even though you don't see the water from your eyes.....i don't doubt that one day, you will travel back to queens....if you are overhwhelmed now and you think it would do you good to spontaneously head to queens, then go....why not? it's your mum....if that will make you feel better, there is nothing wrong with that....<br />
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i'm sure you will find something to do in maryland that will help you remember her....whatever that may be....blogging here may help you to feel connected to her.....spend time with a close relative on her side may help?? you don't have to plant a tree or hang a plaque if it doesn't feel special....<br />
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i'd like to tell you to wait a short while and the wave of pain you are feeling will subside but no one knows that better than you.....i'm so sorry if i'm not helping....i wish i could but i'm lost too and i'm probably not much use to you (but still trying)....