I Miss My Mother So Much

My mother is an extraordinary mother.She dedicated her life to bring me and my brother, the two of us, up after my father passed away when we were young.We had a hard life and alot of arguments and misunderstandings that came out of that.I feel so guilty that i was not good enough daughter to my mother.I am so sorry mother.I was lost, confused and angry at myself and at life.I did not know how to handle my pain and thus i did not know how to love you the way you deserve mom.You are so compassionate to people and animals that God took you away so soon from me.My mother was ill and in lots of pain in the hospital.I left her alone to die as I was too busy in my new job that took all my time and energy away.I visted her at night instead of the daytime as she asked me to.I left her all alone in the government hospital in Singapore.The doctors gave her drugs with lethal effects behind my back and killed my mother.I should there been there for her but i did not.She agreed to take the drugs and dialysis as she loved me and wanted to stay with me but i was not there for her when she was in so much of pain and needed me the most.I am a horrible daughter.My mother gave me good education and made me beautiful.She let me walk in the front and was contented to be always in my shadow but i did not appreciate her.i will never hear my mother voice again and i will never have home cooked food.When you spoke to memother, before you were hospitalised and at home with me i asked you to be quiet as I could not focus on my work.Now i cannot hear you though I cry every night to sleep.I took medication and alcohol all because of the pain you left me but they don't help me to get over you.People say the pain will lessen with days but my pain becomes worse with days as i feel you are furthur and furthur away from me. My life is so miserable without you mother.I was so upset on mother's day.Why did you leave me all alone mum?You are in heaven with all my other loved ones.But what about me mother?Have you forgotten me because i don't deserve your love?I know i am a sinner.I caused your pain and death.But can you find it in your heart to forgive your stupid daughter?I was so wrong mother.Please mother I beg you give me a chance to make it up to you.I promise you i will shower you with all my love,time and lifetime together.I know i deserve this pain but can't you forgive me mother?Please come back mother and take me with you.I miss you so much mother.Words cannot express my agony and misery.I am everything I am because of you.You were my voice when i cannot spreak.you were my eyes when i cannot see.You gave me faith because you believed in me.What am i going to do without you mother?I am so lost,scared and miserable.Please come back mother.Please take me with you.I beg you mother please dont leave me behind all alone without you like this.I cannot take this pain.This pain in my heart is unbearable mother.
Amycharles Amycharles
May 17, 2012