It's been almost half a year since my mother passed away. She suffered so much that it's hard for me to be sad that she is in a better place. She lost herself in fighting a severe battle with depression. She lived homeless on the streets for many years. For several years I tried giving her second chances to talk to me and admit her drug problem and that she wanted to try and start her life over again, but this never happened. Usually I just ended up giving her money and would get a call asking for more shortly after. Finally I decided for my own sake to shut her out until I had my own mental wellness in check. The last phone call I had with her I told her I needed a break and I couldn't handle talking to her but that I loved her. I ignored every phone call and every text message she sent to me I received thereafter. Every time I ignored her, I had the fear go through the back of my mind that it could be the last chance for me to talk to her. One morning I got the call that she died from unknown reasons in the shelter. I have many voice mails on my cellphone from her telling me she loved me. Some voice mails she is begging, some she is angry and others she is incoherent. I wish I could have known what to do. I wish I could tell her I was sorry.
missingmymother missingmymother
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 17, 2014

I know what it is like to lose a mother. My mother died last year from HIV & it has been very hard for me. I miss her terribly, and I think about her all the time. We had a good relationship, but we would sometimes fight. Just like you, I wish I could tell her I was sorry. She suffered from chronic depression, and I wish I could feel better that she is in a better place. She was unemployed for a long time, and I would sometimes get impatient because she would not look for a job, which I regret. The last time I ever saw her was on my birthday last year, and she did not even know who I was; her illness got so bad that she could not speak or remember anything. Things have improved for me a little bit, but it is still hard. If you need to talk, then you can write to me.