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I Feel Lost

I WAS 17 WHEN I LEFT MY COUNTRY TO GET MARRIED AND COME TO AMERICA ,NEVER THINKING TWICE OF THE TREASURE I WAS LEAVING BEHIND.YEARS WENT BY I VISITED MY FAMILY WHICH INCLUDED MY MOM,DAD AND THREE SIBLINGS .UNTIL MY HUSBAND LEFT ME AND I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF MY CHILDREN A BOY AND A GIRL;HAVING TO STRUGGLED TO MAKE ENDS MEET .I TRIED TO MAKE IT BACK IN MY COUNTRY (PERU) MY MOM A HUMBLE WOMAN MANAGE TO BORROW MONEY TO SEND ME TICKETS FOR ME AND MY CHILDREN TO GET BACK TO PERU WITH HER WHERE I TRIED TO WORK ,BUT EVEN THOU I WAS WORKING HARD IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO GET THE KIDS REGISTERED IN PRE-SCHOOL AND BUY THEM THE BASRE NECESITIES ;SO I HAD TO COME BACK TO USA .AFTER A FEW YEARS MY HUSBAND FINALLY LEFT FOR GOOD .AND I KEPT WORKING AND RAISING MY KIDS ON MY OWN ,I MET MY NEW HUSBAND IN 94 .WE WENT TOGETHER UNTIL 2001 WHEN WE GOT MARRIED AND HAD A BOY .I HAD NOT SEEN MY FAMILY SINCE 92.I HAD TO CHANGE ALL MY DOCUMENTS BEFORE I WENT BACK TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT I FINALLY GOT MY CITIZEDNSHIP IN 2009 WHEN I FINALLY WENT TO SEE MY MOM ,WHO I SPEAK TO ON THE PHONE ON A REGULAR BASIS 3 TIMES WEEK AND TRIED TO HELP MONETARLY.I SAW HER IN JUNE FOR 4 DAYS AND IN SEP FOR A WEEK BUT UNFORTUNATELY MY SON WHO IS 8 HAS AUTISM AND DIDN'T TOOK WELL TO THE CHANGE FROM USA TO PERU I GUESS IT WAS A TRANSITION THAT WASN'T SUCCESSFUL.MY MOM AND I KEPT IN CONTACT ON THE PHONE ALMOST DAILY I SENT MONEY AND PRESENTS AS MUCH AS I COULD.MY SISTER CALLED ME THIS MAY 2ND I RECEIVED A PHONE CALL FROM MY SISTER TELLING MOM HAD SUFFERED A RESPIRATORY CARDIAC ARREST AND WAS IN ICU AT THE GOOD HOPE CLINIC IN LIMA. SHE SAID TO WAIT FOR MY CALL THE NEXT MORNING TO SEE IF I NEEDED TO COME I HAD NO MONEY TO GET ON AN AIRPLANE .BUT I WOULD HAVE DONE THE IMPOSSIBLE IF SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME SHE WAS DYING ,I GUESS SHE WAS HOPEFUL AND THOUGHT MOM WAS GONNA RECOVERED;ON MAY 3RD SHE CALLED ME TELLING ME MOM HAD PAST AWAY MINITES AGO. MY DESPERATION WAS SUCH I URIONATED ON MY SELF I FELT SO IMPOTENT.THE PAIN WAS SO BAD I NEEDED TO GET TO HER NO MATTER WHAT.SO MY HUSBAND BORROWED 1200 US FROM HIS SISTER I LEFT THAT NIGHT GOT TO PERU AT 6 IN THE AM AND WENT STRAIGHT TO THE FUNERAL HOME TO SEE MY MOM,MY BEST FRIEND ,MY BUDDY. I HATED TO SEE HER IN THAT BOX LIFELESS IT SCARED ME. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT WAS HER AND THAT I WASN'T GONNA TALK TO HER AGAIN I MISS HER SO MUCH ,IS LIKE PART OF ME IS GONE ,I FEEL  EMPTY..I DON'T THINK LIFE IS GONNA BE THE SAME AGAIN WITHOUT HER.I DIDSN'T LIVE WITH HER FOR MOST OF MY LIFE BUT I LOVED HER I HAVE NOTHING BUT GOOD MEMORIES OF HER ,BUT IT HURTS SO MUCH ALL THE TIME WE SPENT APART,ILOVE YOU MOM AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOR EVER
chela920 chela920 41-45, F 1 Response May 23, 2010

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A sad story hope you are feeling a little better. Cheers!