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I Need My Mother !!!

It's 3:41 AM and i can't sleep.
Its not the first time...
I am crying because i miss my mother, i need her so much!!!

My mother died (because of cancer) when i was 12. Since then i lived with my sister in a orphanage...Honestly at that time, i felt sad but i was just a kid and i didn't understand many things,i lived my life with no worries,i played with kids around,go to school....but I never thought that it will be so hard without my mother!
She was the best mother ever, i used to kiss her hands,to stay close to her,to help her cook although i didn't listen her many times,i loved her very much!
Sometimes i used to wake up in the night and see my mother watching the photo album and crying and i never understood why - now i understand: she knew that soon she will die and leave two girls behind her - i can't imagine how hard was for her to wake up every day knowing that maybe tomorrow she will not be anymore!!!

Now am 20,and i can't describe how much i miss and need her!
My life would have been different if she would be alive.
She would take care of me,advise me...
When i see that there are so many kids and students that don't value their mothers, it is so painful! I wish i could tell everyone to cherish them now until they are alive because to have a mother is the best that can happen with you in life,only a mother will support you,help you,show you the right way,do everything for you....nobody will care about you more than your mother!!!

If i could have the possibility to tell her how much i love and miss her...
I would want to take care of her when she would be old...to spend holidays with her, to give her water and feed her if she couldn't do that by herself....i would do everything for her!!!!

I dont know if i would think like this if she would be alive but i definitely know that life without mother is very painful and if others say that it's ok...than that's a big lie!

I am not writing this to have people's pity,i am strong and i am learning to do everything by myself, i just want to tell others that it is really hard when you don't have parents!

well...that's quite a long story but i am happy i finally poured out my soul!
inna21 inna21 18-21 3 Responses Jul 1, 2010

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Oh dear, I am so sorry. If it helps any , I lost my Mama when I was 10 years old. I am 32 years old and still miss you more than words can describe. The only comfort you have is she is not in pain in more. And when you become a Mom, you can give your children all the love that you missed from your Mom when she passed away. I can't be your Mom, but maybe your sister. If you ever want to talk about your Mom. I am hear to listen, and maybe share about my Mom to. You are in my prayers. You are not alone, she is looking down on you from heaven and maybe wants to tell you that she loves you very much and that she knows you are strong and will be ok. I tell myself the same thing when I cry about my Mama also!I know it is hard , it still is. But you will make it dear! God bless you!

Thanks for your support ;)

I feel so bad for you eventhough you are being strong. My kids lost their dad my oldest was 12 my little ones were 5 and 6. I feel your pain because I see you in my children. I was just telling my mom how I feel bad because there is nothing I can do to take the pain away that they feel for not having him here. Continue to be strong and take care of yourself.