Hope You Are Happy There/

my mom was my everything. but i couldn't realise her value when she was alive.  every parent does a lot for their children. she did too. i was the only child. her eyes; her smile; her talks were always centred around me. she was happy when i was happy and vice versa. she encouraged me in everything i did. she supported me endlessly. after i got married,  i went far away. now i didn't live with her. she was on her own. but still she never interfered in my life. but i always felt an emptiness in my heart for her. i wanted to be with her. i started regretting why i married and went away from her.  i didn't have a father. never saw him. i just saw her since i was a child.  she was my world.  i always wanted to live with her.  i never stayed in a family so i can't imagine my life with a dad or a husband or a sister or in-laws.  today i am struggling to make up my mind. to settle with them.  to love them. but the truth is. i can only love my mom. i am selfish. i am too selfish. when you loose something then you begin to value it more than you did earlier. perhaps this is why i miss my mom all the more today.  she died after some years of my marriage.  i don't have a child right now. perhaps the baby might cure me of this "missing" feel. but i couldn't ever make up my mind for a baby. i feel like living all alone. where no one is to talk to me. i am surrounded by strangers only. with just formal - very formal relationships.  i am a scorpion. perhaps that's why god made me like this.  but it's too tough to keep myself happy with others in their presence though i am aloof from them from inside. 
mom are you happy there without me? wish you are.
solvemeplease solvemeplease
31-35, F
Jul 19, 2010