I Miss Her And I Love Her.

i miss my mother a lot, real real lot. i'm crying as i am typing this now. she wanted me to come home so bad but i couldn't because my husband won't let me. he said he can't handle my family's bull$hit anymore so he wanted me to ignore them. it's not bull$**** or anything of that sort.... it's just that we fought way too much and i needed someone to talk to. most of the time, i'd call mom and cry over the phone. but somehow, both of us promised to not hurt each other and be there for each other. so i agreed with him, that i would talk to them less. nobody knows how much pain this cause me, i cried every night before i go to bed, praying that god will always take care of my family. however, i do mail my mom constantly but deep down i know this is not enough. dad brought mom to the movies and try to keep her mind of things... because she hasn't been eating well for two whole weeks. i feel like i'm such a bad daughter cause i couldn't take my stand. i don't know why my life is so miserable and god chose to punish me this way.... my family even came all the way to my place, they were in a rush just to see me for awhile.... god i miss them so much...........

the other day, i called mom and i told her i'll be coming back home, this was after i fought with him again and i cannot see myself being treated like that anymore.... dad booked the ticket right away as they were very happy that i am coming home.... but i broke their hearts again.... suddenly things change, he was alright again... being his old sweet self again..... i can't bear the thought of leaving him.....

i told mom god is playing a joke on me again..... and she knew what i meant. in her text she told me that she had already asked for a leave the next day as i was coming home, but i changed my mind... and this totally broke her heart. mine too. she cried way too much for her own good and i am afraid if anything happens to her, it will be my fault.

i don't ever want her to cry for me.... but sometimes, she just missed me so much that she can't control her tears....

mom, i'm sorry and i really love you.
LovelessAdvocate LovelessAdvocate
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 20, 2010

getting alone fine, just need to be a little more stronger than i have been...

thank your dear sendittome.... for understanding my condition...