Why My Mom?

I have often wonderd why mom had to go away why she was taken away from this evil thing we call cancer.  I never though something like this would ever happen in my family I saw it in almost all of the tv shows I watchd and the movies, not intill it happend to mom. She said us kids should just think of it like a mission, a mission we had to finnish and go trough to live life and that we where all in this together. Some how after she was gone I think all of them forgot it. I think we where the closest and happiest while she was sick, one big happy family, how wieard that sounds but its the truth. I knew long befor she died that she was going to but I never told anyone. I don't know why I knew I just knew. I once askd mom and dad how bad it was I never got the answer. I didnt really want the answer anyways. After she left I have been in a pretty bad place. Everyone are ready to help me and they do now. After they noticed I was never happy. It probably took them some time becos I didnt really want anyone to know it was so hard for me becous everyone seemd to take this really well. I have never seen any sad in my siblings eyes after the funural, and I dont wanna bring it to them by talking to them about mom.
I think about stuff like mom will never get to see me play golf again, see my boyfriend, see how grown up I have become, how adorable my kids will be. Often I think why do other people get to have their mom for much longer time. Why? why? why? Then I remember the times she did she and how happy she was and how good her life was evan though its hard to think evan harder than thinking about that she died. Those are the memorys I have to hold on to, and I know it maybe thats why I think about it way to often. There is nothing to change this and evan if I could I dont think I would. ITs not becous I didnt love my mom becous I did and I do.  If she wouldent have died I dont think I would have gotten my new friends that are now my best friends. I wouldent have my boyfriend and I probably wouldent have grown up so fast, gotten more self esteem, be the me who I am today.
MrsKetchum MrsKetchum
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 4, 2010

Yeah maybe they are but what if they arent? Maybe they aren't thinking about it at all, like blocking it, I know my brother is, he will never admit this happend more trying to forget it happend at all. I already have starded to find pic of mom and me and put it in a little book maybe I will add some memories of her its a good idea thank you. I read your blog "My wish list" and It didnt really help me, becous I already knew all that and think about it often but it could probably, hopefully help the people around me. Thanks for the comment it was helpfull.

Oh hon. I'm so sorry you have lost your mum so early in your life, but just look at what your mum has done for you since she has left this earth. You said it yourself, how much you have grown, the boyfriend,the friends, see, she is still with you and is helping you guide yourself in life. Don't be afraid to talk to your siblings about her, they might be thinking the same way as you, not wanting to hurt your feelings either. And to help you and your future children start a journal of your mum, her early photoes, wedding , you as a baby and growing up with her, then you can show your babes and tell them about their nanna that is watching from above.<br />
If you get time check my Blog..."My Wish List" out... it may help you.....[[hugs]]...S