I Still Have Regret And Anger

My mother died May 4 this year. She was living her life as she usually did and then I got a call saying she was in ICU. I flew home and was there by myself since my brother and sister could not get there. The first thing I asked the doctor was if she was going to make it. He assured me yes. I was waiting in a waiting room for them to come get me to sign a consent for one of two procedures they were doing one day. I didnt even know they had started I was just chatting and talking to friend on the phone. All of a sudden someone from chaplain services comes to ask me if I know my mom has coded. I was in shock. It was horrible. I went back while they worked on her and it was a good 45 minutes of them trying to get her breathing again. When they finally gave up I was so mad I couldn't believe she was really dead. She didn't look like herself she was all puffed up with air and I was wailing loudly. Alone there with doctors and staff I did not know. I had to call my little brother and sister and tell them my mom died on the phone. I am still not the same. It hurts so much to have her gone. She raised us alone. I did not know my father and so much has happened since she left I need to talk to her again. I had a miscarriage a month after she died. I found my father who I have never spoken to in 29 years and lives in Iran. I recently met a wonderful man who makes everyday brighter for me. I do not know when things will get easier I have less nightmares now but still don't sleep well all the time. I am the oldest and now the rock of the family since my siblings dont have their dads. I am at a loss but I know my mom isn't suffering anymore.
prettyinpink2009 prettyinpink2009
1 Response Aug 7, 2010

Whyat would your mother say if she would see you?<br />
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Forgive and love others because you are all time forgived and loved. :)