I Miss MommyMy mother passed away August 11, 2010. Although I am 38 years old she was "mommy". I am completely lost without her physical presence. Nearly every night she is in my dreams. And I am grateful that I see her there. But, I need her in my waking hours. I need to hear her call me "Tesh" the way only a mother does. I kept her cell phone service on so that I could call and hear her say her name on the recording. But again, it's not the same as talking to her or spending the day shopping or going to her house for home cooking. My life has turned upside down since she left. What I thought I knew, or was so sure of; I don't know anymore. Very little makes sense to me. My thoughts are everywhere. I cry when I am alone. I feel alone. She was the one constant in my life. She relied on me, and while she was living I thought she relied on my support more than I hers. But I was wrong. She was my rock. And without that one sure thing, I don't know which way is up or down.
I look at houses and think that would be a good size for us (myself, my husband and my mother). But then I quickly remember that will never happen. I wish I had married my husband sooner so that my mother would have moved in. She wouldn't live with me as long as I was "shacking up". We knew we were getting married, I had the ring since Thanksgiving 2009. But I kept putting it off and dragging my feet 'cause I wanted to be 1000% sure it was what I wanted. I should have just done it, given her the chance to see me married, which was what she wanted. About a month before she died she said that she wished we would hurry up and do what we were going to do so that we could have a child and she could help while she was able. I regret dragging my feet.
Gosh I miss her sooo much, and wish I could turn back the hands of time.