I Miss Mommy

My mother passed away August 11, 2010. Although I am 38 years old she was "mommy". I am completely lost without her physical presence. Nearly every night she is in my dreams. And I am grateful that I see her there. But, I need her in my waking hours. I need to hear her call me "Tesh" the way only a mother does. I kept her cell phone service on so that I could call and hear her say her name on the recording. But again, it's not the same as talking to her or spending the day shopping or going to her house for home cooking. My life has turned upside down since she left. What I thought I knew, or was so sure of; I don't know anymore. Very little makes sense to me. My thoughts are everywhere. I cry when I am alone. I feel alone. She was the one constant in my life. She relied on me, and while she was living I thought she relied on my support more than I hers. But I was wrong. She was my rock. And without that one sure thing, I don't know which way is up or down.

I look at houses and think that would be a good size for us (myself, my husband and my mother). But then I quickly remember that will never happen. I wish I had married my husband sooner so that my mother would have moved in. She wouldn't live with me as long as I was "shacking up". We knew we were getting married, I had the ring since Thanksgiving 2009. But I kept putting it off and dragging my feet 'cause I wanted to be 1000% sure it was what I wanted. I should have just done it, given her the chance to see me married, which was what she wanted. About a month before she died she said that she wished we would hurry up and do what we were going to do so that we could have a child and she could help while she was able. I regret dragging my feet.

Gosh I miss her sooo much, and wish I could turn back the hands of time.
wingsofreedom72 wingsofreedom72
36-40, F
2 Responses May 18, 2011

Hi wingsoffreedom, I know how you feel. I just lost my mom on July 11 this year. I spoke to her at 4.30pm and I said I would call her tomorrow. At 7.30pm she had passed away. This was totally unexpected. She was a beautiful mother and we spoke nearly everyday. I saw her maybe once or twice a month (she lived 2 hours away). We recently told her that she was going to be a grandmother and she was so excited - she told me she now has a reason to live. <br />
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I am an only child (her little man) and she meant the world to me. Yep we had our issues but we loved each other. She had a few health problems and was getting a little frail but I thought she was ok. We were looking at trying to move her into a place closer to our home but she was fiercly independent and did not want to leave her house and her garden. <br />
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I am just thankful that I had the pleasure of knowing her for 42 years. She brought me up on her own and made me the person that I am today. I am constantly upset and crying but trying to move forward regardless as I have my own child on the way. It is difficult coping. <br />
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Thank you for your story as it helps me with the grieving process. I notice it is near your mother's 1st anniversary of her passing. This will be difficult know doubt but be strong.

hi my name is hashm and im from iraq. when i read this it made my cry becaues i havnt seen my mother since 2009 but my mother is alive but i left her because of the war <br />
i like to read evrything if tis about mothers or anyoneof the family<br />
i find it very difficult to live witth out your mother

hashm i'm sorry that you are separated from your mom. with all that happens over there i hope that she and the rest of your family remains safe. hopefully this thing will die down soon so that families can get back together and regain some normalcy. i know the u.s. will want to keep a presence there, and they are not leaving as long as there are corporate interests in the area, i.e. your people's oil and natural gas. that is the sad truth. but as a u.s. citizen i can only imagine the human impact such as yours, where families are separated. i could imagine the anger i would feel if i lost a family member due to this corporate greed. so it is with those thoughts in mind that i say i hope they come up with some solution and leave you people be so that you can get back to living.