Some Losses Hurt Eternally

i lost my mother on November 21st 2001 to a cardiopulmonary arrest. less than a week from my 11th birthday i couldn't cope with her loss, i endured years of bullying at school because my mom died and by the time i was 13 i was diagnosed with manic depression i had several suicide attempts and in the end i still miss her but its been about 10 years and i still wish i could say hi or to have a hug unfortunately she is gone for a very long long time i lost my world when i heard that she died.
i can understand loss, it hurts everyone different but im not the only one.
dman4u2 dman4u2 18-21 14 Responses Jul 28, 2011

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Question: how is it that when we knock ourselves silly (fall down, bruised knee, bandaged arm sling), we get up brush ourselves off and get on with life but when some crisis / unforeseeable/ unpredictable occured, we are down in the dumps for ever? This elderly couple enlightened me about when we changed our paradigm/ perspective/ questions we asked about the situation / us will change us in as little as 5minutes!go ahead, watch this 3 videos and see what gems you can discover! whether it is a relationship with people around us or with ourselves.

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love without borders from me.

i'm sorry for the loss of your mother!

My prayer for you is that you will move forward in the grace of GOD's goodness.

That He will watch over you daily so that you can enjoy your life and therefore glorify Him in everything you say and do with all your heart.

Put your trust in the LORD!


I know that I am at least twice your age (I'll be 49 years old in October), and I lost my mother to emphysema a little over two months ago, on July 18, 2011--two days before the 16th anniversary of my father's death on July 20. They were both life-long smokers, both of whom TRIED to quit, but neither of which could...not until the cigarettes robbed them of their last breath.

Watching my parents slowly die of the effects of their addiction to tobacco was beyond-devastating. Even at my age, though--and just like most everyone else--I understand the way life works: parents usually die BEFORE their children. Intellectually, of course, I am able to grasp that distasteful fact; cold comfort, though it is, in "getting" the whole "circle-of-life" idea.

Basically, the emotional side of me--the side that still feels the hole in my heart where my mother USED to be--couldn't (and mostly still doesn't) agree with the intellectual side, which--as I noted above--doesn't much care for this particular fact of life on planet Earth, but which always knew the day would come when I would be parent-less.

Sometimes, I get frustrated with myself because I feel like I need to "get on with my life", and I need to just accept the ugly, disgusting, heart- and soul-breaking fact that the first person I ever loved is no longer here--no longer the constant comfort in my life that most moms are to their kids. I am not ashamed in the slightest to say that I don't think there's been even ONE day in the 69 that have gone by that I haven't cried over the loss of my mother...not one day.

I don't know when I will ever get over this, and when (or if) my life will get back to "normal", but I DO know that all we humans grieve in our own way, and on our own timetable. You can probably find a million or so books that can tell you how to soothe your sorrow, learn how to "make peace" with your loss, and suggest--"for your own good" <---supposedly --how long you should mourn. It would be nice if we DID have a book of instructions on how and when to stop hurting, but I think it would just be waste of time, paper and/or space on the 'net.

There may be many traits that all we humans share in common, but HOW and WHEN we deal with losing a parent who gave us not just our very lives, but our sense of who we REALLY are (and, hopefully, a personal familiarity with real, true unconditional love) is far from a "one-size-fits-all" situation.

This type of hurt is amongst the most personal, and the most scarring on our souls, so we must do the only thing that we know to do in this situation: follow our hearts; listen to them well.

It is our hearts that will (and should) guide us on our own personal via dolorosa.

I am--even now--just coming to understand that it is OUR HEARTS that will tell us when it's appropriate to move on...when we've ached long enough.

Of course, like you, I know that it won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight...not over MANY nights, probably...but healing MUST eventually happen, if--for no other reason, but that our hearts simply cannot bear anguish and suffering without end.

Then--AND ONLY THEN--will our "intellectual" side be freed to help start putting back together all that our loss has broken in us.

How ironic: the hard part's over for my mom now, but I'm still in the midst of the most mercilessly difficult thing that I've ever had to endure.

But, I know my mom...she wouldn't want me to spend the rest of MY life hurting for her, especially when she's finally found perfect peace with the Father; a peace that, unfortunately, seemed to elude her during her 73 years, 5 months, and 1 week on earth.

For that, at least, I can be happy, and--oddly enough--even thankful.

Keep strong and keep the faith,


I suggest you write a letter to your dead Mother, telling her that she was the Best Mother in the World, and the reasons why. When you feel sad read the letter, A Mothers Love is as bright as finest Gold. When you are alone talk to your Mother as if she was alive remember her love can never tarnish. My Mother had a child who died at 18 Months old , 12 years before I was born. When my Mother spoke about her ,she cried tears. That is an example of a Mothers pure love. You cannot bring your mother back but you can always remember her for the angel she was, just like my Mother NEVER forgot her beloved daughter you will never forget the chains of love she, your Mother forged for you.Remember her love made you the person you are today

my mother was gone 1 day then i saw her sitting on a red necks lap .what is worse i was 11

Like the others here, I, too , have lost my mother. But what really stabbed at my heart for you is the fact that you, at such a tender age, where bullied, because your mother died? I am so sorry that you had to endure this as well as dealing with your mom's passing. I so wonder what kind of homes these kids come from. I understand that some veer from what they have been taught, but I don't buy much of it. It sounds terrible to me that I should say this, but one day they will suffer heartbreak like this and I have a tiny little part of me that want's them to recall how they treated you. God bless you and while it's no help, I'd like you to know that someday it will be easier. The hurt never totally goes, but will be a little less painful. I've lost many people, besides my mom, so I know a bit about the feeling. I think mom's are by far the hardest for us to take.

I get bullied too. Bullies are usually failures and they tend to pick on successful people which I was until they come along. Bullying can leave an indelible scar.

What do you tell someone who has lost someone they loved so very much? Nobody seems to know. All we can do is go on living no matter how difficult it may be. I lost my dear Wife to cancer 3 years ago. I have 2 sons 8 & 16 and I know that it hurt them so badly. I don't know how they feel from day to day but we try to keep her memory strong in our house as we remember what a wonderful Mom she was. I miss my Wife and my Sons miss their Mother but we know that she would have wanted us to go on and try to make the most out of life and that is how we honor her memory. She lives on in our everyday thoughts and actions and we always ask ourselves "How would she have reacted to this situation?" or "What would Mom want me to do?" when confronted with a difficult decision. No doubt, it's still painful. Painful to the point of wanting to cry all the time or think about ending it all, but it's best to stay busy and keep moving with your life. Whatever you have to occupy your time, whether it be your job, your hobby, an activity or whatever. Keep going. Share your love. Life goes on...

It is so painful to accept that the person we love is gone ....I've been in the same process before it took year to realized I need to move on and life must go on.....hold on to your faith and ask God to guide you in every decision you have to make....

Hi there , I understand how you feel , very much indeed...I lost my loved one also never stops the pain whenever you think of your loss dont move on just adjust your life ...and I have not adjusted my heart to the loss of HIM hurts so much ....and nobody will understand your feelings...nobody would ....

Bullied cos your mom pass?? That is insane I really think that school all over the world should do special classes/program for those insane kids sorry for your lost haven't loose my mother yet and I don't know how I'm gonna take it when it will happen

I'm sorry for you loosing your mother at that young age, i lost my dad when i was 12 i'm now 14 and i know how you feel when the pain doesn't seem to go because as time goes on the realisation that you can never see them again grows and i realise how when you loose a parent at a young age you don't always understand why or what it all means but now that you've grown i'm guessing it would hurt less or at least thats what im hoping for xxxxx

I know you must be very sad because loosing a mother is really hurting but then you have to muster courage and pain, and left everything in the hands of God.

There are so many of us when ever we lose our dear ones the only thing that comes to our mind is committing suicide, but we also should understand that we didn't create ourselves so no matter what kind of pain we are experiencing in life we still don't have the right to take our own life. The Almighty God have to decide when and where.

I know how it feels to lose a mother at a young age and know that you deserved more time with her. I miss my mother everyday and I don't think that will ever stop. The pain feels like having my heart ripped out and there is now a hole in my chest longing for my mom. I am so sorry for you, and I know it is annoying when people tell you they feel for you when they have no idea how much it really does hurt, but trust me, I know better than most. Hugs :)