Miserable Beyond Words
My mother passed away on june 27 this year, after a two year battle with ovarian cancer. The last five months of it in terrible pain due to several unusual complications. She had a sensitivity to antibiotics, they made her terribly sick to the stomach, also she was unable to tolerate many of the stronger opiate pain killers. As a result she ate very little for the last few months of her life, was always sicking up or nautious, and in unbearable pain very often. I watched her die by inches as she shriveled to less than 80 pounds and there was not a thing I could do about it. This woman was my rock all my life. When she and my father split when I was in grade three, and we had nothing, she wore her clothes to rags, to have the money to dress me like the other little boys. It was just me and her, and I don't know how she managed but she made sure that I had all the experiences a kid should have. Twice to disneyland at 10 and 15 yrs.old, camping trips, swimming and other summer outings. A real godsend to a sensitive and only child like I was. I lived with her for the last few years to help her through her fight, but I could never do enough to repay her. Watching her go through this illness, seeing the fear in her eyes and being totally helpless to do anything about it has left me feeling emotionally beaten. Worse perhaps was doing this vigil alone and now being a family of one. I'm now a forty year old orphan. By god how I miss her. Its almost three months now, and I do have some good days, but on the bad ones I'm quick to tears often in embarrasing places. It has been the worst experience of my life, and I just don't know how to go about picking myself back up.