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My Heart Bleeds

My mother was my best friend, she passed this past september, I am still not abl,e to return to work.  She was ill for two years, slowly and gradually weining away from COPD and countless other issues. I cared for her everyday, washed her, fed her, cared for her.  we could not get her into a nursing home because she was too young, her care fell on me as I worked and cared for my child and home.  I was thankful that I could spend so much time with her.  I found her a week before she died, her blood sugar was over 600, she could not see, etc.  Although she was on hospice, I could not watch her die, I called 911 and she remained in the hospital for a week till her death.  She was so out of it except for the day before she died.  I walked into her room crying, and I never cry.  She told me to take care of myself.  we have never been a huggy, kissy, lovey family, she allowed me to hug her, kiss her forehead and hold her hand.  I knew and she knew her time was near.  She had suffered for so long.  The following day I was getting her room ready to bring her home when the nurse called saying that she had been so full of energy and had even eaten and sat chatting with the nurses until she flopped over becoming unresponsive.  My mom took a breath every minute or so and kept hanging on. I could not go to see her, wanting to remember her how she was.  She held on for another 10 hours, speaking with the nurses, they told me she was waiting for something.  My 17 year old son finally made it from massachusetts and told me he wanted to say goodbye.  Being reluctant about how he would handle it, I explained what state she was in. He did not care, he insisted.  He went to her side, whispered that it was him and said he loved her and it was okay.  She took her last breath that day on 9/10/11.  The nurses were right and told my son that she had waited for him.  I miss her so much everyday.  I miss her silliness, my best friend and most wonderful mother.  Know that I love you mom. 
chulacringa chulacringa 36-40 Apr 10, 2012

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