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I miss my mom. She passed away in November, and I always said she was my hero. She had cancer before I was even born, and due to complications from the treatment, she was in and out of the hospital my whole life. But she never. once. complained. NEVER. She always had a smile on her face, even with the long list of complications that were constant reminders of what had happened.

My mom raised myself and my siblings to be independent and to never feel sorry for ourselves. How could we feel sorry for ourselves when she had battled so much more just to be there for us? We always made the most of every day because of her. Picnics during a long lunch break from her work, or sledding in our backyard after she left work early, or a special night full of our favorite homemade foods and a movie together.

I guess with all her complications, I shouldn't have been surprised when I got the call in November to get to the hospital. That was pretty routine, I'd gotten that call many times before, and always came in to see her smiling face telling me to get back home, she had work to do (from her hospital bed, she still worked!) But this time it was different. The urgent sound of my dad's voice made me drop everything and rush as quickly as I could. My husband and I got to the hospital and she was already unconscious. I spent the next three days next to her side with my family, and if there was any blessing in those few days, it was that we could be with her when she passed away and whisper how much we loved her as she took her last breath.

Now I learn to deal with life on earth without her. I was fortunate enough to have her as long as I did, but I'm in my 20's and still have so many questions for her. I forgot to ask her so many things. Every holiday passes as our first without her, and with Mother's Day approaching, it'll be the last big day without her until the anniversary of her going to Heaven. Then I'll have kids and I'll be reminded daily of how much I miss her... I had such plans for us, as did she. She loved seeing her other little grandkids (my brother's kids) and baking with them, the picnics with them, all of our favorite traditions. I kick myself for waiting to have kids as long as we have, since now they'll never get to know her in person, they'll never understand her quirky sense of humor and why I am the way I am.

I miss my mom. I miss being able to call her for every question, no matter how dumb it was, and having her laugh and give me her answer. I catch myself so many times ready to pick up the phone to call, and now I have a list of unanswered questions floating in my head because no one else would understand my random questions. I catch myself crying because I see a beautiful sight I know she would have loved. I hear her favorite song, I tear up. And I kick myself for this, because we were raised to NEVER feel sorry for ourselves, and hear I sit, months later, still feeling sorry for myself and my loss. Time will heal, I know that, but for now, I just miss my mom.
polythenepam polythenepam
23 Responses May 2, 2012

I think she had shown you a path to follow and be an example to your kids whenever they come to your life and tell them this is what you learnt from their grand mother and wants to pass on the same to them as the best education of life. More importantly learn to have her in your feelings always so that all your unanswered questions been resolved for you.<br />
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My mom also passed away in November from Cancer. My mom was my best friend and living on this earth without her is the worst thing i ever could have imagined. I still remember how i SCREAMED and cried until i couldn't breathe when she got her diagnosis on april fools day. I am not religious but i prayed everyday that the cancer would jump from her to me. That's how much i love my mom. Living without her was the worst possible thought, so instead i prayed for it to be me.

Thank you all so much. I had to reset my username so I didn't see all these comments, and they made me feel so incredible on a day when I'm obviously seeking a little comfort. I'm getting better at talking to people about what happened, what I'm feeling, it's a learning process for sure but it helps to know you have people out there to turn to. Thank you, more than words can say.

when you cry you never feel sorry fir yourself.let your bad feelings go out.cry it's very useful i swear .you can give your mother a gift to her by succeeding in your life.your mother is an angel

Beautifully written, thank you for sharing this with us. It's coming up to 10 years ago that I lost my Mum to pancreatic cancer. I still miss her so much however the pain is not as raw as it once was. She's still with me all the time. I feel her spirit so strongly. I hope I make her proud. From what you've written, I know you do ;-)

My mom died just one year ago today and it was maybe ironic that this post shows in my e-mail about new topics. It was the hardest year and it is still hard knowing my mom will never see me get married one day or have a child if that would happen. I'm fortunate enough to know she was there for all of my child hood and most of my young adult life. Going to be 29 in September it 's still hard to grasp that someone I could just hear the voice in my head will never be around. Many times I try to take more comfort in my mom's immediate family who resemble versions of my mom that can give me comfort. I know I will always miss telling my mom what's new. I hate not knowing if she really gets any message i pray to her about. I never know what message she would get and maybe ones that could be unheard. It's always been a case of questions after she died. Questions like who is she watching right now, what does she do every day in heaven, does she feel that I'm still making bad choices for my faith by going to another religious group. I know my mom would never feel sorry for herself and she always had a can-do attitude battling lung cancer. Despite her beating lung cancer, she died from radiation treatment only 3 years later. It is never selfish to miss someone. It is only love. My best wishes to you and the healing from your grief.

I know how tough it is to not have a mom to talk you through the girl-stuff, especially after marriage. My mom died 8 years ago and I literally floundered with choosing my wedding dress, the shoes, the accessories. It was really tough to go through that day without motherly help and advice. I don't know how I made it through without tearing up. <br />
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8 years have gone by and I miss her like crazy so I know exactly how you feel. You just can't talk to your mother-in-law the way you could talk to your mom. No one knows you the way mom does!!!

Thanks for sharing with us I had my mom past away also and it has been really hard on me I was the youngest of the family and alwys was the one in trouble my brother and sister saw to that but that is<br />
Ok when mt wife and I got married my mom did not like my wife but at her time of passing on she did not want any body eles around but her. That made us both feel good but I wish she would of done this alot longer before.

Your story made me cry,<br />
i guess i have similar feelings to you, i lost my wife,she died in 2005, it was a bit more sudden than your experience it took only 20 minutes for her to leave me without any warning.<br />
I have since remarried and tried to get on with my life but i still miss her terribly.i have had no contact with my two daughters since her death either,i guess its too painful for them too.<br />
all i can say to you is give it time,it does help, a friend said to me you never get over it only more used to it and he was right<br />

I can relate to your loss. Althoued gh my mother was disgnosed witth brain caner on march 13, 2011 & passed aw as y April 18, 2011. Her short battle was both a blessing and a heartache. Some say the first year is the hardest, but for me it was the 2nd year. I think because the first year I convinced myself she reslly wasnt dead, but thee 2nd year made it resl. I to used to call my mom.for everuthing, she was my bedt friend Just know she is always with you in your heart, and reslly need her, talk to her, and psy attention to look for her help or answer.

Wow it sounds like your mum just loved the guts out of everyone in her life:) i know exactly how you feel and the thinks you will go are on the right track buy thinking you were verey lucky to have her for the time you did, its allways a tragedy when you lose somone but when its somone who understand's you and just except's you i bet she had that light inside her too you will find its because she had you and she seen all those quality's in you yes you are going to miss her so much..words cant explain, but she is not gorn you just Cant touch her she will be watching and the love she had for you will never die,,, its not eazy but talking about her remember all the good stuff tears are so precious, so shed as many as you need , one day when you talk about her they will be tears of happyness and love cuddles will get you to that day, i hope you can see in yourself the things your mum did then she will have achieved what she wanted:), xo

Your post touched my heart so much. I, too, had a wonderful relationship with my mom. My mom passed 9/5/01. Even now I sometimes get what are known as T.U.G.'s (temporary upsurges of grief). I recognize them as just that: "temporary". Mostly, as things happen in my life, it reminds me of a pleasant memory with my mom or how my mom would have reacted to or handled a situation I am in that gets me through.<br />
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I have so much more I would like to share with you, but since I don't have a way to contact you, here is something that may comfort you - it's a website for adult women whose mom or mother figure has passed away. It is a non-profit organization run strictly by volunteers & everything we do is free. The website address is: (please note it ends with .org not .com). <br />
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You will find peace. It takes time, but you will get there. Journaling helped & still helps me. I always start out my journaling with "Dear Mom". You don't have to do that, but I'm just saying that is what I do. As things happen in my life, I want to share them with her & this one way I have found of doing so.<br />
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Allow yourself to feel however you are feeling. There's no right or wrong. No judgment. If anyone asks you when you are going to get over this, I always tell them, when my mom comes back, totally healthy & no time was missed. That usually shuts them up. If not, there's one person I know who just shortens her answer to "Bite Me"! LOL!<br />
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In the meantime, please do check out the website. Click on the different links. In case you would like to know, when you go to the website, if you click on the link "Our Moms", my mom is the 6th picture in the top row & if you mouse over the picture it will say, "Vita, mom of Brenda". You can have your mom's picture put on that page, too. (Again, everything is free). Click on "Contact" & there is a number you can call. Remember we are all volunteers, so if there's no answer, please, please, please, don't be shy leave your first name & number & you will get a call back.<br />
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Please remember you are not alone in this grief. If you feel you are alone, please call the number on the contact page & you will know what I am saying is true.<br />
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Take care,<br />
Brenda (Daughter of Vita)<br />
"Love will not forsake you on the last day that you live, for you can take it with you when you go".

That's mums for you they can never be replaced. I'm sure if your mum could see you now she would be touched by your love and your sense of loss but equally she would want you to have a happy and full life with your memories of your special mum who was more than that but a true friend and inspiration to you. You will gain strength from the knowledge of her bravery which is an example to us all wherever we may be in the world. Someone else's loss could so easily have been our own. Bless you and shine in her memory and make her proud

Being a father of a two yr. old when I first got cancer, then six when it came back, I can promise you at some point your mom prayed to GOD, that all she asked for was to make it long enough for her kids to make it to adulthood without losing there mom, I can promise you also by having that prayer answered, made her the happiest person on the planet.

Thanks for this. (had to change my username, I wrote this initially). I received a card that had a similar message, from another mother, that said she knew my mom had been blessed with seeing her children grow and stand on their own two feet and start their own families; she said that's all a parent really can ever hope for. This rang true to me, since I often think I didn't have her around for long enough, but really I am so grateful (and I'm sure she was) that she was with us to see us grow into who we were supposed to be.

Thanks so much, and I'll be thinking of you as well.

Thanks for sharing your story and your love for your Mum. She sounds like she did a fantastic job during the time that she enjoyed with you. I can't tell you anything that you don't know already. grief makes us stronger. Makes us the people we are. You'll be just fine. She did a great job!

God honers those that suffer patiently. This life seems to be long because of the bodies we have that die making light curve around it making a shadow. Your mother is seeing sights she wishes you would be able to see that the human eye has never seen


I lost my mom on 29/5/2010.I miss her so much.It is very nice that all of you have shared your experience. Thank you one and all. May God bless all of you.

Thank you for the wonderful essay on "Mother". I agree with you. I lost my mother in August, and experience your same feelings. Thank you again.

What a lovely Mum you had. She seems to be truly an inspiration. Only time heals the loss of a loved one especially, a parent. I've been through the loss of both my parents and I know how you feel. It took me too long to get over my Dad's passing away. He too was an inspiration. May God Bless them with Heaven! <br />
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I consoled myself by remembering that this is a fact of life which no one escapes. But some of us are lucky that we had our parents for a longer period than many less fortunate. Having been brought up by such a lovely Mum I am sure you will also be an inspiration to your kids just as your Mum has been.

Do nt kick urself,cry as much as you want because it helps and besides your wounds are still fresh.I lost my mom in July 1997 and guess what I still miss her a lot.

you'll never run out of things you wish you had said or asked.i lost my mom last august 28 2011 .i still want to call her and just talk. garden season is here and she always had a big garden,now i'm planting alone.toward the end of her time when able she would still come out and hoe and pull weeds and talk. oh so quiet now!<br />
you should talk to people about her , it hurts ,but it is fun to rember the good things <br />
in your and her past. i talk with my sister who sounds alot like mom on the phone <br />
kind of scares me sometimes.good luck and may God bless .

You shouldn't kick yourself for crying, grieving the loss of your mum isn't feeling sorry for yourself, it's natural to grieve for those we have lost.