Passed Away This Tuesday

I have a lot of issues with my mother, and I ran away from home when I was 18. I returned home to take care of her last September while she was ailing from coronary artery disease. She kept drinking and smoking, and that combined with the severity of her condition. She was admitted to the hospital with heart failure from her drinking a week ago and the doctors tried all they could, but she needed a heart transplant and they wouldn't put her on the list because of her drinking. This Tuesday she passed away.

The day she died, she gave me the one last thing she could give me: the name of my father. She gave me his name, and said he was a doctor. She also told me "But we that love, but we that prove/Thine excellence august,/While we adore discover more/Thee perfect, wise, and just." It's Rudyard Kipling, but I don't think she knew that.

I was away from her for half a decade and I didn't ever miss her. When I was taking care of her, I was exhausted, missed Seattle, and felt burdened. My entire life I have resented my mother for her selfishness. But now I feel there was so much more under the surface, something that made her the way she is, and I wish I could have gotten to know her better so I could know.
cosmicspeck cosmicspeck
22-25, F
May 4, 2012