Why?

My mom... died of a heart attack, a little over a year ago. i was 13 years old. Well i heard my dad yelling and crying, so i ran into their room and my dad was holding my mom in his arms, he yelled at me and told me to go back to sleep. i went into my room, and i cried. But i mean, i was hysterical. A little after i started crying, ambulances were at my house, and everything was so surreal. When the men checked to see if my mom was breathing, they shook their heads and said "sorry" and i just screamed "NO! MOMMY!" i ran towards her body but my dad grabbed me, i punched him, kicked him, i tried to get away from him, but he just wrapped me in his arms and i was crying and screaming at the same time.
i didnt go to school for a while, some of my friends got worried so they came over to my house to check on me, and they saw me in my room crying and holding my moms blanket. I wouldn't eat for a long time, but finally my friends talked me into eating. Eventually i went back to school, my friends never left my side. i was going back to my normal life(kind of), my dad turned to beer and drugs, he turned abusive towards me. He said that i look exactly like my mom, and that he hates me for it.
i dont know if he'll ever be the same again, i really hope so, because i miss my dad :(

LOVE YOU MOM! XOXOXO
XxLostLexixX XxLostLexixX
13-15, F
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

my father died when i was eleven.. i appreciate your candor, and i know its cathartic to leave the kinds of thoughts here somehow. thank you.