After My Mum Died...anger

My question is this: did you feel anger, really bad anger? But not anger that the mum you loved so much died, but anger at HER for dying and leaving you? I dredged up every conceivable argument i had with her growing up, and in my mind threw it back in her face. I blamed every bad realtionship (which were many) on her, I blamed my state of mind on her, I even blamed my life decisions on her. Totally wrong, but at the same time I worshipped her and miss her so much...is this normal? I feel guilt now, that she is up there somewhere hating me for my thoughts, that she is seeing my disrespect as a daughter. I am having difficulty seeing her as a human being, when all my life she was like an angel in my eyes. then i get angry that she was ill, like it was her fault...I am a mum too, I know how hard it is....

Eldorai Eldorai
36-40, F
3 Responses Feb 25, 2010

That will happen when your parent dies. I don't know why but I didn't feel this way about my mom. I was happy to see her go because that is what she wanted. I did not get to grieve for her for about 2 years but when I did I was wasted. That wasn't the only loss I was dealing with though and that is probably why my grief for her death was not as bad. I just wanted her to know that I was going to be okay.

my mum just died 2 weeks ago and as you can imagine i am incredibly raw and lost at the moment. we all go through grief at different times and in different stages which are like a never ending circle. this is normal as is feeling 2 of these at once. im a nurse and i know the process but hell im struggling to get though it myself. no one has or will ever replace my dear wee mother neither for myself or my children i love her now and forever as i am sure you still do yours its a natural process that affects us all differently stop beating yourself up and try to live each day as it comes bless you. xxxxx

ooh I need to point out, this anger only started AFTER she died. I never had these feelings when she was alive.