Almost A Year Yet The Pain Is Still So Fresh

On March 20, 2009, my mother lost her 6 year battle with cancer.  She passed away quietly at home at the age of 61.  It was also on my birthday.  My father and I were by her side as we watched her gasp for her last few breaths of life.  The image is still so vivid to me and it still hurts to this day.  In 17 days I will have to face the anniversary of losing my mother.  I know I am not the only one which is why I am here. 

3in1try 3in1try
36-40, F
3 Responses Mar 3, 2010

Thank you so very much Mizzen and Jan. I think the hardest part of grieving is the feeling of (seemingly) being the only one going through it. I tend to feel so alone and when I hear someone who can empathize with me, it helps a little to know I am not the only one (which I know as a fact) but can't sometimes convince my heart. The image of seeing my mom gasp for her last few breaths is haunting and runs through my mind often. Sometimes I think maybe it would have been better if I hadn't actually seen it but just know she went peacefully. I am sorry your mom was alone when she passed as that just sounds so sad to me. I suppose the most important thing is that they are in a better place and no longer suffering. I believe they do live on in our shared memories with those who knew them too. When I share my story, I also feel I am keeping her memory alive perhaps as well. It's taken me many months to come to the realization that I need to let out my thoughts and not isolate myself away. I've sat crying for hours and feeling so much overwhelming pain. I know that isn't what she would want but I'd give anything to hear her voice.

3in1, thank you for sharing, and for repling to my story.<br />
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I always get very emotional on the anniversary of my mum's death. Both mum and dad passed away during November (1994 and 2007), so it is hadly a good month for me.<br />
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My thoughts are with you.<br />
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I'm sorry that you had to be present during your mother's last difficult moments. Unfortunately, not everyone passes quietly in their sleep or cleanly and quickly as those who die following a particularly bad accident.<br />
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I was spared this experience because my mother died alone in a hospital bed just a few hours before dawn. I've always regretted that I was not there to help her through her passage but I also wonder if I would have been strong enough to endure it if her death had been prolonged and/or painful. Although I know that you are haunted by those last images, I'm sure that you were a comfort to your mother and I hope that it's at least somewhat reassuring to you to know that you were there for her during what was probably the most difficult moment of her life. <br />
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I hope that your anniversary will bring pleasant memories of the love and the good times that you shared during her life ...