I'm So Homesick

Hi ExperienceKitty - just read your posts. I am exactly where you are, and have been. I am in mourning for my house, which I lived in for ten marvellous years. People have told me that it's going to take over a year to adjust to this loss and I am having a very, very hard time.
We moved from a 5,000 sq ft home in the north part of town, with a forest backing us, on a lovely, quiet street of multi-million-dollar homes.....yes, that's right - I had everything including a 50-ft. deck and pool in my backyard; but what was more important to me was my connection to the animals and wildlife there.
Imagine my horror and sadness as well as shock to discover that the person who bought my home, and portrayed himself as an animal lover, has taken steps (not sure what, not sure I want to know either) to rid the property of all animals. This from a person who assured me that he loved animals because I said from the outset, to anyone who came to see the house, that I would only sell to a person/family who would treasure the variety of birds and animals that populated my property. I now feel betrayed and guilty - the little red squirrels, mother raccoon and her little ones, chipmunks etc. whose trust I had gained to the point that they would eat from my hand - I have let them all down and abandoned them.
You're probably wondering why, if I loved it so much, did I sell? You'd have to ask that question of my husband.....his business lots its market, he lost his partner, and I lost everything that I had.
I gave away/threw out/donated the largest mountain of belongings known to man. The sacrifice has been immeasurable. There is nothing that could ever replace what I have been forced to give up and I doubt that, at this age, I will ever have the pleasure of experiencing anything like it again, or get over it either.
I am now stuck in a mid-town condo, which to me is just a glorified apartment. I spent 16 yrs. in an apartment earlier in my life, which is why I enjoyed the peace, quiet and serenity of my home/backyard. I called it my "sanctuary".
I am now feeling like a prisoner in a cement cell block. I know no one here, nor will I probably ever become friends with anyone either, including my neighbours on this floor. Everyone sticks to themselves here and it is not people company I crave anyway. How could I ever duplicate the wild rabbit who swam in the pool with me one day, the chipmunk who came and sat at the edge while I did laps, just watching me, the groundhog who lumbered through the yard one incredible fall day, the large "V" 's of geese and the odd heron flying over the house.....it was just like living up north at a cottage. I could go on, and on........
There are those who are saying to me, You're sixty, your children are grown, you have to move on. While I've already "moved"!! And there is no place I would rather be than in my HOME, Dorothy!
No matter how much work and effort and money I put into these 1,800 sq. ft.,
trying to make it feel like a home, it will never be......plus my balcony overlooks one of the main town cemeteries: did I mention that? How depressing can it get!
There is only one saving grace:- two parks, one small, one magnificent in its largesse, are located right nearby. I just found out yesterday that "they" are going to turn most of the small parkland into - guess what - condo towers. The other larger park is protected by the city though so nothing will touch it and that's where I plan to spend most of my time.........but it's not mine.
I feel like a man without land lives in no-man's-land! Am I being foolish?
The feelings of loneliness and sadness here are overwhelming. I never, ever thought I would find myself in this position but thanks to the wrenches that life has thrown my way, this is all we could afford. At least we own it, I guess that's some consolation.
You sound a lot better in your last posting and it seems as though you have made some progress. Somehow I have a feeling it's going to take me a lot longer! This is just too hard of an adjustment to make and I also have to deal with my anger and resentment toward my husband who let our dreams slip through his hands.
Thank you for this opportunity to share my experience with you. You certainly are not alone. I am getting little to no support from anyone I know - they're doing just fine in their 10,000 sq.ft. homes and they are secure and happy!