Moving On Without Me...

Where to begin... I am alone in a whole new country. I am studying abroad for a year. I was so excited before to have new experiences and get out of the "rut" I believed I was in. But now that I am in Japan I wake up hoping to go about my daily routines of meeting friends for coffee, taking jogs through the woods, receiving invitations to go to concerts movies and parties. I can hardly get any sleep anymore because I allow myself to indulge in memories for hours; replaying the calming moments over and over again in my mind until I force myself to clear my head at 4:30 am. No one speaks the same language as me, and the happiest I ever feel here is when a curious Asian says hello for their own amusement, at which point I suddenly feel like a huge burden has been lifted off of my aching desire to connect. It is truly pitiful how excited one word can make me feel, its like giving a starving dog a bone.

I feel so alone because I am moving on in my life and everyone and everything that I used to know is still perfectly intact and untouched. I know that the right thing to do is move on from that perfectly safe uncorrupt environment and continue on with my life before I become stuck in that small town... I just cant let go of it all after experiencing the bliss it brought me everyday of my life.

A part of this loneliness and confusion has also been brought on by college on the horizon. A part of me wants to leave my home and go to school in another country (preferably one with and english dialect) but how can I if I cant stop feeling like this?

So am am asking someone, anyone for some advice or input. Please. It would mean so much to me to be able to get a direct answer to ease my own doubt.

-Norah Lockenvine
Chaselockwood Chaselockwood
18-21
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

Why do you feel the need to remove yourself from the one place that's given you bliss every day of your life? It sounds wonderful! If it's just for college, think of it as being a temporary move, and that one day you will be back where your soul belongs. DO get out and have new experiences in new places, but remember, it's up to you if the change will be permanent or not.