I Miss My Oldest Daughter

My story starts back in 1981, when I got divorced and he got custody of our daughter. OH, I had visitations, when ever the ex would answer the door! Then he would tell my daughter that it was my fault. That's just the begining!   By the time my daughter was 16 ( she was 5 at the time of divorce) he had her confienced that I was a no good mom.  She has an Aunt that was on my side and she would tell my daughter that the things they were saying weren't true..... THANK GOD for the Aunt!  My ex moved out of state, so I didn't see my daughter for 11 years.  that was very very hard on me.  Sometime during that 11 yrs. we lost contact with each other, my daughter and me.     Then I find out the my daughter was dumped off to live with grandma, and she continued to omit me from my daughters life. Until her 16th B-Day, the grandma let me go to lunch with them.  OH Was That The BEST DAY of my LIFE!!  Well the moral of my story is,  my daughter and I didn't really know each other and we've been having trouble ever since.   If anyone has some advice, I will listen.  at the present time my daughter has choosen to omit me from her life, again.  HELP!!  I love her so MUCH!   sketer

sketer sketer
51-55, F
2 Responses Feb 12, 2009

i totally agree with ann<br />
i just started talking to my father last week <br />
i just needed it to be on my time<br />
i know everything will work out in time<br />
Lamby

I have been in your daughter's shoes. It's not a good place to be. It's very confusing. In my case my father had twisted so much. It did not know what to believe or not. <br />
<br />
It looks like your daughter and I are about the same age now. It was only a couple of months ago I was able to really get to the bottom of my mother and I's relationship. <br />
<br />
What did it for me, helped me to bring her back into my heart, when I was able to fully show her my anger towards her for leaving me with this manipulative man and not ever trying to understand my point of few.<br />
<br />
Your daughters not really free yet from the abuse from her father. I don't know if we ever truly are. However, if she has anger towards you, it would be best that you accept her anger and let her vent it. Remember the feelings she has are not "adult" feelings. She still hold the feelings of a 5yr...11yr..16yr being abandoned by her mother.<br />
<br />
I don't need to know the details and I am sure you did not purposely abandon her... my mom did not... but remember she still looks at you from a child's point of few.. and the child within her needs to know .... you are sorry for abadoning her no matter what the circumstances.....once she has an inner child feels respected/loved.... then she can start to have an adult relationship with you...<br />
<br />
Let her get that anger out.... It's there for her... and as much as it will hurt you to hear it.... it will benefit you both in the long run to get passed it..<br />
<br />
Best Wishes