Chloe, Sweet Baby Girl

My rabbit just died suddenly this past Sunday morning (9/16/12). She had been abandoned in the streets of Euclid and was given to us to take care of by my sister who works for the police department. She lived with us for 1-1/2 years, and we were looking forward to many more years with her. In fact, we were just weeks away from getting her a new large bunny hutch where she would have more room to explore and get more exercise. I had bought her some toys and presented a toilet paper roll to her which she played with with zest and she had lately taken to throwing a lid like a frisby. She seemed spunky and loved playing with her toys. The day before she died, I recall spending a lot of time with her. It was as if God was telling me to spend as much time as you can with her as possible. I wrapped her in a blanket, took her outside, talked to her, played with her in the hallway with a bag of new toys I had just bought her. We gave her a bath as we had done occasionally in the past whenever she had gotten dirty. I tried to play with her after the bath, but she appeared tired and sleepy so I put her back into her cage. She ate all of her Timothy hay, pooped and drank some water, and just sat quietly. There did not appear to be any sign that she was ill or I would have taken her to a vet. So it came to us as a complete shock the next day when I went to check on her in her cage the next morning and found her stretched out lying dead in the bottom of the cage. My heart skipped a beat. I could not believe what I was seeing, and screamed for my husband to come down. I immediately broke down in a waterfall of tears and so did my husband. Next we had to tell our two children ages 15 and 9. Both of them screamed and wailed as they could not believe she was gone. How a rabbit who was full of life, playing with her toys, eating, drinking and pooping, end up dead the very next morning is beyond my understanding.

It has been 3 days now since her death and I am still numb. Thoughts of her dominate my day. I have a large picture of her above my desk, and yesterday I found one of her favorite blankets in the basement which brought on another crying session. I can't go on like this. Even though there did not appear to be any clue that she was seriously ill, I blame myself. Had I known she was very ill, I would have rushed her to the doctors. I feel responsible. I was her mommy and I miss her dearly. My heart aches, and I still want to cry, but no more tears will come out as if I have used all of them up from crying so much. If only I could have a second chance, and if I could rewind the time, I would rush immediately to emergency, but now it is too late.

I still remember how she felt when I held her. I remember her smell, her soft white and black fur, and her precious little paws. I remember kissing the top of her head and the feeling of calm I noticed in her whenever I would sing to her songs with her name inserted. She was an obedient rabbit and when we told her "no-no" and not to do something, she obeyed. I would give anything to be able to hold her right now. My heart is permanently broken.
Marvel7 Marvel7
51-55, F
Sep 19, 2012