I Miss Him So Much, It Hurts.

I'm a talker..and I love telling my story and what's going on in my life. I'm an even better listener though. :)

He's 6 months into his deployment. I can't believe we've come this far. Time is going by steadily...but when I talk to him, I say "time's flying by babe!". Optomism...the easiest thing to fake when you communicate through email. haha  I know he doesn't want to be there anymore, so I just have to be strong for him. We always talk about what we're going to do when he's home. We mainly just want to do normal stuff that most people take for granted. You know, hugging, kissing, eating breakfast together, shopping together, being in the same room, let alone country. Even when he gets back, he'll be stationed 10 hours away. I'm trying to figure out how I could be with him when he's home. I don't know how to make it work. I just know..it  HAS to. He's so reassuring. He always says we will make it work, because we always do. He'll be out of the Army next spring. He was thinking about reenlisting..but I think he's looking for a more normal life.

We've been together for 1 1/2 years. It feels longer...but in retrospect, we've only spent a few months together if you add all the days together. We met while he was on his 2 week leave after AIT. We both just starting hanging out, not wanting to get involved because he was in the army and I was just fresh out of a long-term relationship. We couldn't resist each other though. It's fireworks when we're together. Everything just falls into place and I can finally breathe.

After the 2 weeks...he was stationed 10 hours away and that's where he was for the whole first year of our relationship. We would see each other for a weekend each month. Those two or three days were the best days out of my month. In a way, it prepared me for deployment. I feel if I saw him everyday and got used to him being around all the time, it would be harder to be away from him. Not that it makes deployment easier. He's my best friend...and I feel lost without him. I know it sounds weird..but I feel like the rest of the people in my life right now are just robots or these disconnected beings, moving around and I'm just at this slow pace. My inner monologue is louder these days. Jumbles of thoughts just rolling around  up there haha I'm still as talkative as I've always been though. I've noticed that I smile a lot more...not because I'm happier..but because I'm afraid of people finding out how much pain I'm in. I'm cracking a lot more jokes too, because seeing other people smile makes everything easier. Coworkers always saying "allie..I wish I could be as chipper and bubbly as you. You're always so optomistic and smiling. Everyone loves to be around you!" If they only knew what I was really thinking :-P

I hear people complain about the most ridiculous things. They have no idea what they have. It saddens me that people don't know how it is to feel incredible happiness. They don't allow themselves. It's easier to feel sorry for ourselves, I guess. I feel that incredible happiness when he's home. I can't wait...but for now, I'm just accepting the situation and enjoying what I Do have.

Much love! I know it's hard, but smile! It works for me! :)
alliej05 alliej05
22-25, F
5 Responses Feb 6, 2011

Yeah I'm in school so I'm staying super busy which helps! I have so much study time now. All the extra time I usually spent with him I study. Basically I study a lot now which is great cuz its my junior year and my classes are HARD. And I am also on my school's rowing team which helps. This summer I'm gonna learn how to play the guitar so when my man comes back I can play for him! :) I am also looking in to taking a belly dancing class, it just always sounded fun to me!

I always think about what we're going to do once he's back too. Don't stop living just because your guy is gone. Go out with your friends (even though they might not understand your relationship) Laugh a lot! Hug a puppy! hahaha No kidding!..I love dogs and whenever I'm at the mall and pass the pet shop, I pick the cutiest puppy to hold. Communication with my guy varies. Sometimes I get an email a few times a week, a phone call a month, and a skype date occasionally. Other times I hardly hear from him. It depends on how busy he is. I wish I could hear from him more, but I understand how chaiotic his schedule is. The time difference doesn't help either. My work schedule and his downtime don't match up perfectly. We just make it work. I just try not to complain because I know there is nothing either one of us can do about it. We need to just ride it out. I'm taking this time away from him to build my art portfolio, website and advertising. I have an art degree and I'm looking for a creative job. So..maybe use this time to start up a hobby or take a few classes at a community college. Take a trip with your gal pals..because let's face it...once your guy is home..we're gonna want to talk all our trips with them ;) haha I try to communicate as much as possible with my bf. Most emails are just ridiculous stories from my day. When we joke around..it's like he's right here with me. :) Thanks for commenting girls. I'm here for ya!

You are very positive which is great! I'm trying to be more positive! Its just hard to smile sometimes when all you wanna do is break down and cry. I think about my man all day every day and miss him so much that sometimes I just don't even know what to do. I know how you feel. My friends are all doing this and doing that and they're all concerned with silly things and I just wanna yell at them to appreciate what they have!! Its hard but with all the support I'm getting on this site its helping. And I am getting used to him being gone, even though it sucks all day every day. I just think about what its gonna be like when he comes home and it helps me get through the day.

I love your optimism!

Anything else that helped you?