I Miss Him So Much, It Hurts.I'm a talker..and I love telling my story and what's going on in my life. I'm an even better listener though. :)
He's 6 months into his deployment. I can't believe we've come this far. Time is going by steadily...but when I talk to him, I say "time's flying by babe!". Optomism...the easiest thing to fake when you communicate through email. haha I know he doesn't want to be there anymore, so I just have to be strong for him. We always talk about what we're going to do when he's home. We mainly just want to do normal stuff that most people take for granted. You know, hugging, kissing, eating breakfast together, shopping together, being in the same room, let alone country. Even when he gets back, he'll be stationed 10 hours away. I'm trying to figure out how I could be with him when he's home. I don't know how to make it work. I just know..it HAS to. He's so reassuring. He always says we will make it work, because we always do. He'll be out of the Army next spring. He was thinking about reenlisting..but I think he's looking for a more normal life.
We've been together for 1 1/2 years. It feels longer...but in retrospect, we've only spent a few months together if you add all the days together. We met while he was on his 2 week leave after AIT. We both just starting hanging out, not wanting to get involved because he was in the army and I was just fresh out of a long-term relationship. We couldn't resist each other though. It's fireworks when we're together. Everything just falls into place and I can finally breathe.
After the 2 weeks...he was stationed 10 hours away and that's where he was for the whole first year of our relationship. We would see each other for a weekend each month. Those two or three days were the best days out of my month. In a way, it prepared me for deployment. I feel if I saw him everyday and got used to him being around all the time, it would be harder to be away from him. Not that it makes deployment easier. He's my best friend...and I feel lost without him. I know it sounds weird..but I feel like the rest of the people in my life right now are just robots or these disconnected beings, moving around and I'm just at this slow pace. My inner monologue is louder these days. Jumbles of thoughts just rolling around up there haha I'm still as talkative as I've always been though. I've noticed that I smile a lot more...not because I'm happier..but because I'm afraid of people finding out how much pain I'm in. I'm cracking a lot more jokes too, because seeing other people smile makes everything easier. Coworkers always saying "allie..I wish I could be as chipper and bubbly as you. You're always so optomistic and smiling. Everyone loves to be around you!" If they only knew what I was really thinking :-P
I hear people complain about the most ridiculous things. They have no idea what they have. It saddens me that people don't know how it is to feel incredible happiness. They don't allow themselves. It's easier to feel sorry for ourselves, I guess. I feel that incredible happiness when he's home. I can't wait...but for now, I'm just accepting the situation and enjoying what I Do have.
Much love! I know it's hard, but smile! It works for me! :)
alliej05 22-25, F 5 Responses 1 Feb 6, 2011