A New Love Given To Mother AmericaI guess he's technically not my soldier. We aren't dating anymore.
I just went through an unwilling breakup with my boyfriend of five months. Five months was too short. We broke up because he made the decision to go into the army (long before we met, in high school, he went through college and graduated). It has been something he always wanted to do, and tomorrow he leaves for basic training and AIT. We already said goodbye and have no contact as of now.
I am so, freaking, sad. When we first started dating, it was going to be just dating, and we promised we wouldn't get too attached. He told me he never wanted a relationship, but that things didn't turn out how we wanted them to. None of it. We wanted it to just be like "well, that was that, fun while it lasted." Plan was that we would date, and then end it, keeping it casual.
Instead, two nights ago, he told me he fell in love with me, for the first time, and I cried on his chest.
He's a special forces candidate, so in addition to Basic and AIT he's going to airborne school, and then special forces training. He'll be gone at basic and AIT for six months, and then he'll be back for Christmas. and then.. he's active duty. for 5 years. He gets stationed.. And I only see him on breaks.
I'm 19, he's 23. I know. I'm young. I'll find others. But that's not the point, because 5 months was too short, and as of now, he was the one I wanted to be with, and so I can't -help- but see myself with him in 5 years, because my current mindset is that we're still dating..
I'm so ******* sad, I can't stop crying. I want to write him letters, and my heart is telling me to wait, and I'm afraid if write to him, that I'll inadvertently be waiting for him, and I guess I can't afford that, because that's too long. I can't stand this.. I won't get a goodnight text, I won't get to hear my nickname, I won't get to fall asleep in his arms.. I didn't get to experience anything with that kid.. I hate this.
abutner 18-21, F 2 Responses 0 Jul 2, 2012