A New Love Given To Mother America

I guess he's technically not my soldier. We aren't dating anymore.

I just went through an unwilling breakup with my boyfriend of five months. Five months was too short. We broke up because he made the decision to go into the army (long before we met, in high school, he went through college and graduated). It has been something he always wanted to do, and tomorrow he leaves for basic training and AIT. We already said goodbye and have no contact as of now.

I am so, freaking, sad. When we first started dating, it was going to be just dating, and we promised we wouldn't get too attached. He told me he never wanted a relationship, but that things didn't turn out how we wanted them to. None of it. We wanted it to just be like "well, that was that, fun while it lasted." Plan was that we would date, and then end it, keeping it casual.

Instead, two nights ago, he told me he fell in love with me, for the first time, and I cried on his chest.

He's a special forces candidate, so in addition to Basic and AIT he's going to airborne school, and then special forces training. He'll be gone at basic and AIT for six months, and then he'll be back for Christmas. and then.. he's active duty. for 5 years. He gets stationed.. And I only see him on breaks.

I'm 19, he's 23. I know. I'm young. I'll find others. But that's not the point, because 5 months was too short, and as of now, he was the one I wanted to be with, and so I can't -help- but see myself with him in 5 years, because my current mindset is that we're still dating..

I'm so ******* sad, I can't stop crying. I want to write him letters, and my heart is telling me to wait, and I'm afraid if write to him, that I'll inadvertently be waiting for him, and I guess I can't afford that, because that's too long. I can't stand this.. I won't get a goodnight text, I won't get to hear my nickname, I won't get to fall asleep in his arms.. I didn't get to experience anything with that kid.. I hate this.
abutner abutner
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 2, 2012

I am sorry this is what you have to go through. The best Advice I can give is to stay close, write him some letters while he is in basic, once he is in AIT he will be able to call you and text you from time to time. I know you aren't dating, but when you part with those feelings it will feel almost impossible not to be together. I am in a similar situation, my guy is currently deployed and not only does his contract continue for the next 3 years (more deployments being a possibility etc...) but I'm also foreign and I graduate in a year, which means I have to come back "home". Despite it all we communicate as much as we can and as impossible as teh situation seems, it's a bit more impossible to not have him in my life. BE SURE you can deal with it, because once in your life he will ALWAYS be that special person... no matter how hard you try, that "what if" will be in teh back of your head. For me... it's worth knowing I have him close to me, but it is painful hun... I wish you the best of luck <3

Baby girl just take a minute and breath. My soldier and I went through a similar experiance. When I ment him he was already in the Q course ( for SF). Our relationship was supposed to be casual, always with the army 1st. When that started to chance we decided to break up and just be friends. That time was important for us, we got to know each other better as friends- but there was no hiding that we were just crazy about each other. If he loves you- like I think he does ba<x>sed on the situation, you will get back together. Make sure you write him while he is in basic and airborne school. He will appricciate hearing from you. But I've been there so I'm going to tell you this is the easy part- my boyfriend is on his first deployment and it is the hardest mental fight I have ever had to overcome (including the death of my mother). So before you jump in for love and adventure- look deep inside your soul and make sure the life of an SF girlfriend is what you want. Please contact me with any questions or even if you just want to talk. Wish you the best