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Will's Mom

For 17 years I was Will's Mom... who am I now?? Everyday was spent around my beautiful son... breakfast in the morning, making lunches to take to school and dinner in the evening. Every weekend was spent at games watching my son out on the field run like the wind.....all this over in a quick instant..... A horrible phone call... and my life, as I knew it, was over. Will is dead... how can I say the words out loud. How can this nightmare be real.....I am lost... Lost in a deep fog of sadness.... each day i go to bed and each morning I wake up and my son is still gone... nothing will ever change this. People try to say to me it will get better, no it will not... It will not get better, I will just have to learn to live this new life, but it will not be better.
clvwardrip clvwardrip 46-50 5 Responses Jan 25, 2011

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This empty feeling keeps haunting me. My son , only 27, is gone. I wake up and feel like going back to sleep forever cos I can't see him and do the things I always do for him. IT sucks. I don't know how to stop this feeling.....I feel like tearing my heart out!

Hello, I lost my only son in a road accident. Nothin can prepare you for the loss of a child, but you can learn to live life again if you take one step at a time, and not plan too far ahead. You will one day be reunited with your child; and you will find the will to live again, because be assured he is with you and a part of you. Thinking of all of you, we are all here for each other, whoever and whereever we live or are.

I lost my son and only child on November 28, 2010 to brain cancer. While I know that he is in heaven and I will see him again, the idea of waiting another 40 or 50 years seems unbearable. My son and I were so close and sometimes I just stare at his picture and can't grasp the fact he is gone. I am sure that this all seems familar to everyone posting. I have told others that I do not understand how my heart keeps on beating when it has been ripped out. I feel like a zombie--dead inside but alive. My only peace and comfort comes from knowing there is an eternal place in heaven that my son went to and he is not suffering and for him, there is no time like we know here on earth. I read a great book called, "Heaven is For Real" and I recommend all those grieving to read it. Meanwhile, my heart breaks with you. I HATE being separated from my boy and I feel the pain is so unbearable at times. I finally started grief counseling and I hope it will help me to let out some of this pain.

Hello,I lost my son june 10, 2011 to cancer. My only son was 20 yrs old. I don't know hw to move forward without him so I know hw u feel, for 3 yrs I was his shadow, every breath I took was for him and nw I don't have him and I feel there is no purpose for me in this world. At times I think of taking my life but then I think of my 2 daughters and hw disappointed my son would be. I take one day a time, and only God knows why this happens to parents. I miss u so much my son.

Hello,<br />
I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I lost my son on June 11, 2010. I do not know how to go on without him and miss him so much it makes me physically sick. There are not very many people who know what we are going through and I guess that is lucky for them. The only reason I stay living is for my younger son who I love more than anything. I am trying to help him with losing his brother and trying to not damage him with how I am handling this. I feel like I am living with only half a heart now. I have no hope in life and really don't know how I can live without one of my children. I am so sorry that you are going through this also and I wish that we could get together and just cry and help each other through this. I hope that you have support to help you through this. I myself am feeling really alone. Everyone has went on with there lives and I think they wonder why I am still having a really hard time. I am sorry that I do not have words of wisdom to give you to help you through this but know that I am thinking of you and hoping that you can find some kind of peace. I am hoping this for myself too..... :'(

I know exactly how you feel; I lost my only son in 2009. He was 29.<br />
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I was no longer a mom. I felt lost - I could not think it or say it or believe it.<br />
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And you are both right and wrong that it "will not get better."<br />
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I don't think the pain will ever go away. I don't think I will ever stop wishing for my son to come home.<br />
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But, the rawness subsides, and slowly, you do begin to believe and accept.<br />
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You have experienced, in my opinion, the worst thing that can happen to a person. The night my son died was the worst night of my life, and it will always be, no matter what happens to me, from here on forward. A strong statement, isn't it? I mean, all kinds of horrible things can happen to people. I know. But still. I know, and you know: We've already experienced the worst night of our lives.<br />
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It is hard to move forward from such tragedy. But for my son, I was always able to do anything. So that's how I've helped myself move forward. By telling myself I need to do it, for my son. That he would want me to move forward and not live forever in that moment of pain, and that I honor him best by remembering him fully in a life that means something.<br />
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And I'm working on finding meaning and purpose again.<br />
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Thanks you so much for sharing your story. My heart is with you.

Amen to finding meaning and purpose again....... My son's brother and sisters seem to have found purpose and I so admire their strength. Your words are healing.