Maddox Ford Gone But Never Forgotten

My pregnancy was perfect until it wasn't. My baby shower was November 5, and the next day I went into labor at 28 weeks. Maddox Ford was born November 7, 2011. They immediatly knew something was wrong with him. He had a rare genetic disorder called campomelic dysplaisa. With this disorder he had clubbed feet, bowed legs, one leg was longer than the other, one arm was longer than the other, but mainly his chest cavity was too small to support his lung function. Most babies with this disorder only live 2 days, he was 7 weeks when he passed away on December 26, 2011. Not a day or minute goes by that I don't think of him. I miss him so much. The what should have beens and the hopes and dreams that I had for my first child haunt me. The biggest issues I am having is seeing other people with their infants while mine is no longer with me. I am sad and angry and resentful toward so many people in my life. My partner and I have recently started trying again. We are so fearful that we will have another child with issues. I so desperately want another child. I want to share my life with and teach them things and experience things with them. I never got the chance with Maddox. I want Maddox siblings to use the stuff he never even got to use. I know another baby will never ever replace Maddox and nothing will ever fill that void I have from losing him. I want hope back. I want the joy of being amother to a living child. I need this. Hoping this is the month...Maddox I love and miss you so much, I can't wait to see your beautiful face again. Lisa Maddox mom
maddoxmom maddoxmom
26-30
2 Responses May 8, 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. I have tears in my eyes as I read this. My parents lost twins a few years after I was born. I was too young to appreciate the weight of the loss, but I have come to understand what an emotional blow it was to them. My mom was older and at much greater risk for having a child with problems, but then my little brother came along - that was 18 years ago now - and he was absolutely perfect. Things have a way of working out. God bless you.

I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Maddox. <br />
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Have you checked out any support groups? Compassionate Friends has local chapters and an online community. <br />
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http://www.compassionatefriends.org/Find_Support/Online-Community/Online_Support.aspx<br />
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It helped me to be able to talk to other parents and to read the articles they sent me in their newsletters. Wishing you the best and sending you a huge virtual hug.