Love You Always, John

I miss him so much.  I'll never forget that night.  I though about calling him too.  But chose not to disturb him.  He was so busy with college and newborn twins.  But I got a call, around 8:30pm.  My other sons girlfiend, crying.....john's not breathing.  I didn't know if it was his newborn twin, john or my son.....I dropped the phone and drove to his house.  My boyfriend was staying the night and actually drove me.  My youngest son had his girlfriend's brother take him.  Fortuanatly that took him a while to get there.  Because he couldnt face the image that is forever burnt in my mind now.  When I got there my other son was crying.  Hed placed his brother on the floor to check for breathing and a pulse.  He was gasping.  I immediately rushed in to check his pulse.  I felt none.  I was a first responder and knew something needed to be done.  I looked at the EMS and they began to yell at me to get back...I cryied.  I knew he needed cpr.  The just kept telling me to go away.  I cursed them.  My boyfriend grabbed me and pulled me away.  My newborn grandkids cryied from the comotion.  My son in the corner crying and my youngest not yet arrived.  While i watched my son's life slip away before my eyes.  An image I will never forget.  My middle son....I pray for him.  He had to remove my oldest fron the couch, lay on the floor and check for pulse and breathing before I got there.  I'm sure an image he will never forget.  We were all so close and tight nit.  His wife cry out...his twins boys crying, not understanding what was going fighting to get to my son to start cpr.   I couldn't understand why they were waiting.   We all followed to the hospital.  When we arrived and I saw them doing cpr.... his stomach giggled like muscle left.  I knew it was over. His wife and I were in the room.  While the preformed tests for electrical energy in his heart all the while stating it wasn't good.  My middle son waiting with the  twins for a sitter so he could join us at the hospital and my youngest just arriving.   I knew, in that room with my was over.  I took his wife's hand and whispered don't want to be in here.  they are goint to call it......


He was only 27, just started in college, just wanting to make a life for his wife and twin boys.

clarksd clarksd
41-45, F
8 Responses Oct 6, 2009

I'm very sorry for your loss. I loss my 22 year old son Justin 8 months ago. I cannot believe he is really gone. I will pray for healing hearts.

I am sorry for your loss, It is a hurt that lasts forever, at least with me, it has been 37 years since my son Jason Went to be with Jesus at the age of 7 months old. I also found my baby boy, I have some comfort knowing he is safe in the arms of Jesus, but I miss him everyday. God Bless You, and may you find comfort along your journey of greif.

My son passed away on 4th Aug 2012. I miss him so much and regret I never really told him how much I love him. I was too busy faulting him. Now I feel rotten and want to say how sorry I am as I DIDN'T really appreciate his helpfulness and cheery disposition. I miss my beloved son so so much. <br />
By Sad mum

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words that can explain how you feel right now. I can't tell you it will get easier as I lost my 35 year old son in June and I don't know when it gets easier or if it will. Sometimes I don't know if I can go on then I look into the eys of my younger son and my two grandsons and know I have to..He was so young and I belive he is with God and know I will see him again someday. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I am so sorry to read of your loss. I recently lost my 29 year old son and the pain has been nearly unbearable. It helps to read the stories other share.<br />
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My thoughts and prayers are with you.

The only thing I can offer you, is my own experience. Please don't take insult to this as some people do, but my experience was with my dog. This is not to suggest anything other than I witnessed someone I loved more than life itself die before my eyes. Some people don't uinderstand the bond between a person and their pet, but let me assure you I have greifed harder for my lost pets than I have for some humans in my life. That being said, please let me get on with my experience...<br />
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My dog died suddenly from most likely an embolism the vet said. It was a sudden, instant death. I happened to be sitting right next to my dog on the couch when he suddenly let out a strange howl that I will never forget. I grabbed him immediately and held him not knowing what was wrong, and told him it's ok I'm here.<br />
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I called up to my mother and we rushed him to the vet...not knowing he was already gone. A part of me knew this but wouldn't except it. When all was said and done, and when we were trying to make sense of it all. Why did this happen? He was so young and healthy. It's not fair. All those questions. But then as I reflected I became grateful. I was honored that he chose me to be with him in his last moments. And I held onto that thought and that got me through. And I always felt that since he chose me to be with him, he will always be with me, watching me.<br />
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You & I share that. Your son chose to have his closest family with him in his final moments. You were there for his birth and there for his final breath. What an honor. I believe your son is also there with you. He never left. He is watching you.<br />
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I hope this has brought you some comfort. I know it has for me. It still hurts, and it will again, but there is also comfort.

I am sorry to hear of your loss. My heart and prayers go out to you and your and family. I could never imagine losing my son, but I can feel the pain your other sons are going through. I too have witnessed my brother pass away. You can read my story here: <a href="" target="ep_blank"></a> It's the most vivid memory I have, but through out the years it has become easier to reflect upon. The pain will always be there but so will the love that siblings share. God bless you.

I am so sorry for your loss