Silver And Gold

I moved a lot as a child. Well, I suppose I should say my family moved a lot, as I was not exactly involved in the decision making process. Never in one place for more than a few months. This, along with my introverted nature, led me to not make a lot of friends as a kid. I have to really get to know a person before I can be myself. Lots of motion didn't allow that. When I did make a friend, I held on for dear life.

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.

We sang that song in girl scouts...I guess it made a big impact on me. :)

Now fast forward through high school, college, and all my adult life..lather, rinse, repeat. Sometimes I moved on, sometimes a friend did. But always, there was a grief in my heart for what I lost.

But I am realizing...it's like living in a house for a long time. Things accumulate in the corners. We get lost amongst the clutter if we don't keep it down.

Clutter.

Friendships.

Sometimes the old friendships keep us back from what we need to do. Constantly keeping up with myspace and facebook...for people who are only still in my life because of the internet. Nod to nostalgia, but keep going, Glowy. I learned from these people. Hopefully I taught them something. Tuck the knowledge away, and smile at the memory. Life is too short and too difficult to hold seven lives worth of friends in your mind. The book has been written, close it, and put it away.

It's still a process for me. I still want to hold things together, to fix the broken things. It's what I do. It is who I am. But I'm learning to tell myself no. Learning to let go.

See you in the here and now.

onceandfutureglow onceandfutureglow
31-35, F
6 Responses Mar 14, 2010

Its so true!

Geetar - stay away from the mafia wars!!! Just ask Scooby - you get entrenched in that stuff. Phone is way better. <br />
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Rooanne - I think you're right. Maybe I have been holding on because I needed to see what they became. And if we'd been similar as adults, I am sure we'd be getting along better as adults, and they wouldn't belong in the past...

Really nicely expressed! I am grateful for Facebook for this very reason - getting to connect wtih old friends (also some by other methods) has allowed me to put a lot of the past behind me. Now that I know how they "turned out" - as if we stop growing once we are grown ups - and that they have had challenges in life too, I can focus more on the present. <br />
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I learned that Girl Scouts rhyme too, and always thought it was supposed to be true. But the truth is we outgrow people a lot of the time, and I think that's how it's supposed to be.

Geetar, I don't do the vampire thing. I used to play mafia wars and farmville, But again...there are only so many things a person can have time for. Ugh. <br />
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And yes. I'm such a phone person. I would rather chat for a bit on the phone than sit on the computer reading three line status messages. Plus, there is the fact that none of them really know me. <br />
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PikeMinnow - I neglected to mention...I've been living in the same house for seven years now! UGH. Almost time for a move, no?

lol, I have the complete opposite experience. I've never moved in my life, and I can't wait to get out of here! It is very stir-crazy making when your PAST is sitting there all around you!

Exactly. It's no better than driving to their houses and staring in their windows. We get to see the most intimate moments of people we haven't spoken to in years. Ugh. (Wonder why I like EP better?)